


Before He Fell (Old Version)

by DeadlyElixir



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Heartache, Pre-Core, Romance, Science, pre-game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-05-27 09:32:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 28,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6279139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadlyElixir/pseuds/DeadlyElixir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This version of the story has been discontinued and remastered and  can be read through my account under the same name minus the (old version) part of the title.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introductions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Entry Numbers and WINGDINGS language is SUPPOSED TO BE IN WINGDINGS. Unfortunately, this site does not ALLOW WINGDINGS.  
> So, if you see anything in brackets such as [this]. It means its suppose to be WINGDINGS. This really sucks since it makes some of my writing lose its effect.

 

_[STANDARD LOG ENTRY NUMBER████]_

Generally, I prefer to work alone. While I have co-workers, the handful of lower-ranked scientists at the lab, I find it preferable to do my work solo. Often a second person will only muddle the work. That is why I was somewhat reluctant to agree to His Majesty’s proposal that I take on a personal research assistant. I understood the reasoning though, I have held my position as the Royal Scientist for some time, and generally someone of my standing should have an assistant to lessen the work load.

Of course, His Majesty’s interest also lied in the fact that he had assigned me to work on the barrier some time ago and feels that I am too distracted to focus on it. So, under his insistence I have posted a bulletin looking for applicants.

It will be interesting to see the number of monsters who think they are worthy of working directly with me. I doubt I will find anyone of worth, but… who knows.

 

_[STANDARD LOG ENTRY NUMBER████]_

I received several applicants. Some of my own co-workers applied for the position. If I cared about what others thought of me I would be worried about how they would receive being rejected, but I don’t. They were fools to assume they would receive special treatment.

Most of the applicants I received were well-known up and comers. Names of note. A position in the king’s employ is, of course, highly sought after. I dismissed most. Paying attention only to those who actually seemed interested in my work, and not in my employer. Many droned on about my success and their awe. Boring.

A handful of the remaining ones submitted videos with their applications, hoping to make a better impression. Most failed. One, though, stood out.

Her resume lacked much. In the video she stuttered repeatedly, rambled at times. She even went as far as to show she was trying to learn _[WING-DINGS]_  , my native language. She could understand a few words, could read even less, and when she tried to speak it… Well, she spoke through her nose. Given that _[WING-DINGS]_   is a skeletal language, meaning no nasal passages, this was… horrid to hear. I admit, I had a laugh.

Among all this, it was her theories, experiments, and ideals that made her stand out the most. She was un-refined, having just finished school. So, very young. This made her more appealing since she was not warped by society’s standards. This also meant she would have a stronger ethical standing though, but that could be fixed overtime.

I did not expect to actually find someone worthy, but it appears I was wrong.

This… Alphys, will be an intriguing experience.

…

I will have to make sure she learns sign language though, to ensure we are able to communicate, since I do not speak common. I will not be able to survive her pronunciation of _[WING-DINGS]_  .

 

_[STANDARD LOG ENTRY NUMBER████]_

I showed Dr. Alphys around the lab today, both upper and lower divisions. She had seen the upper in tours before, as was to be expected, it is the face of our work that is “public friendly”. Of course, this also meant she had no idea about the lower lab, since it was kept from public view.

The lower lab is intricate, having several levels to it. Some sections unused, only there if they were ever to be needed to house new experiments. This lower lab is where most of our true works go on. I made sure she understood that until she learns the lay-out of the lower lab to always stay near me. Getting lost here was not uncommon for new comers.

_[STANDARD LOG ENTRY NUMBER████]_

Introduction to my co-workers with my new assistant was… I would say interesting, but it was in fact very predictable. My co-workers did little to hide their jealousy and anger towards this young _nobody_  being picked over them. Luckily, Alphys seemed not to notice, too occupied with gushing at meeting them. I only have a few fellow scientists I work with, they are all talented in their works, so this was an understandable reaction for someone of Alphys’ prior standing.

Afterwards, I made sure she understood her new position, how given the fact she was now  _my_ assistant that she was technically  _higher_  in rank than my co-workers. I wanted to guarantee she understood this, because as my assistant she would be involved in work that no one else would be. That I was  _trusting_  her not to spill anything to my co-workers, for they would try to use her against me.

It will be sometime, obviously, before I actually involve her in my more classified works.

_[STANDARD LOG ENTRY NUMBER████]_

Final testing for the suspension tank alpha design is complete. Production of beta versions are to begin soon for distribution.

Commonly, I would have the alpha model of my experiments de-constructed at this point, but given my new assistant I have instead left it operational and am having her study how it works.

It will cause no harm to leave it as so. The room the tank is in is in a particularly uninhabited section of the lower lab. It’s on a power-timer, set to shut off the lights and such when no activity is detected.

_[STANDARD LOG ENTRY NUMBER████]_

Alphys has a strange obsession with a human cartoon, the recordings discovered among the human trash that falls into the underground via a river. Anime she calls it. She invited me to watch some of it with her.

…

It is highly inaccurate in the science and magic it depicts; and has a strange habit of showing the underwear of its characters. I have no intention of ever viewing it again. This assistant of mine is a strange one.

_[STANDARD LOG ENTRY NUMBER████]_

I have been speaking with His Majesty for some time on the matter of the barrier, particularly the barrier that I have never seen. The entrance to the Underground. Given that the castle is built around the exit barrier, I have had full access to it at any given time. The entrance, on the other hand, is located in the far reaches of the underground, in Snowdin.

While I can reach Snowdin with no issue, transport is readily available, it is the fact the entrance is located in the ruins of the old city. Which is behind a locked door. When monsters moved further into the underground, the royal family had sealed the ruins, fearful of both humans coming through and monsters hurting themselves in attempts to escape. Access to it was hard to come by. Royal permission needed, and of course, the key.

His Majesty has frequently denied that permission, feeling that my access to the exit was enough. That since it was the exit I was trying to open, that the entrance should be of no interest to me. I feel His Majesty does not understand how research works.

Thankfully though, after much pressing and even some assistance from Alphys, I have finally convinced him to grant me permission. Hopefully, the effort to convince him was worth it and we will actually learn something from the entrance that will assist in breaking through the exit.

I also noted upon leaving as well that Alphys seem to know His Majesty’s up and coming royal guard.

_[STANDARD LOG ENTRY NUMBER████]_

The discovery I made at the ruins is… remarkable. It has very little to do with the barrier and more of what has crossed the barrier’s threshold. I have found… the most amazing specimen.

 

                

Cover Art By [LittleMissChris](http://such-a-lazybones.tumblr.com/)

~*~

Gaster glared at the vine sitting in his palm as he walked, having just pulled it off the rim of his glasses. Try as he might to push them out of his way, the plants that hung from the ceiling continued to get caught on the edges of his glasses as he walked through the ruins. He tossed the vine to the ground, clapping his hands together to knock any dirt that had gathered on them and continued his trek forward.

He followed Alphys, who he noted was unaffected by the foliage due to her height, as she was the one with the directions through the ruins.  He grunted, shifting the pack he carried, wanting a cigarette to relieve his stress and annoyance. He didn’t light one though, not wanting to deal with it while walking. He was not generally the one who went into the field, so this was all very… irritating.

“Alphys.” She jumped slightly, both due to his suddenly speaking and the magic hands that appeared in front of her, signing as he spoke. When he could, he spoke with his own hands but due to her being in front of him, leading the way, he chose to use magic instead, “We have been trudging through this horrid place for some time.  _Please_ tell me we are nearly there.” He moved the hands slower than he usually did, since she was still learning the motions.

“Y-yes, nearly. According to the directions His Majesty provided, the entrance should be just ahead.” She glanced up and down between the pages in her hands and the path ahead of them.  A few moments later she let out a delighted gasp, “Look! See, we are nearly there!” She pointed ahead. Sure enough, a sliver of light could be seen around a corner.

_Finally._

They entered the large cavern, most of the room was dark. Only a small bit of light from above lit it, creating a small circle in the center of the room from the light.

“Is that sunlight?” Alphys asked in awe, as she stared up at the opening far above them.

“Yes.” Gaster replied uninterested at the moment, he quickly slid his pack off, setting it on the ground he dug out his cigarettes from his lab coat pocket. He examined the entrance far above as he slid one of the sticks into his mouth and lit it. Interesting, he thought after taking a drag, the smoke drifting up from his ribcage to around his neck. The exit is a solid form, a constantly shifting wall of black, white and grays, yet the entrance barrier isn’t visible at all. A taunt to monsters, perhaps? Hinting at a life they could never have again?

“Alphys.” He spoke, breaking her from her wonderment, “As interesting as it may be, you must remember what lays between that light and us. Why we are here.”

“Right.” She nodded, “The barrier.”

“Correct. Now, how about you begin setting up the equipment?”

“Yes, Doctor Gaster.” She replied, sliding her own pack from her shoulders. She began moving around the cavern.

Gaster knelt back down, digging through his own pack for his tools. While he dug through it a bright glare shot into his eyes. Blocking it with his left hand, he looked around for its source. He caught sight of where it had come from, Alphys headed right towards it. Oblivious as she walked forward.

“ALPHYS. STOP!” Gaster cried out, thankful for her minute understanding of his language. She let out a squeal of surprise but froze as commanded, having learned to follow Gaster’s orders very quickly after being hired. She stood stone still, a foot still hovering in the air.

His chest heaved as he stood up, walking towards her. He could feel his eyes glowing, a clear sign of how unsettled he was, and the feeling calmed him somewhat. Thankful that Alphys’ back was turned to him though, so as to not see him so rattled. Carefully, he walked up behind her and took hold of the collar of her lab coat. Pulling swiftly, Alphys was thrown back. Landing with a _thud_ a few feet or so away, she groaned at the pain, rubbing her backside.

“Why-“ She let out a eep as his magic hands appeared in front of her.

“If you had continued, you may have absorbed its  _SOUL_.” Gaster said, looking over his discovery.

“It’s  _SOUL?_ What-“ Her eyes went large, “Oh my GOSH! Is that a  _HUMAN!?”_  She hissed.

Gaster rolled his eyes at Alphys’s realization, though she didn’t see that, “Clearly.” He bent down, looking over the body. A corpse. It was almost hidden in the darkness, on the edge of the circle of light made from the opening above.

Since it was face down he could only get a few details, due to darkness and the mud and leaves that covered it. It had a slender frame, long matted hair which hid its face. Its left leg was at an awkward angle, clearly broken. One arm was stretched out, reaching into the light, a silver bracelet on its wrist. This must have been the source of the glare that brought the body to his attention.

“Get me a light and a large branch” He demanded, not wanting to take his eyes off his find.

Shuffling around, Alphys started to hand him the flashlight but he had her hold it instead, lighting up the spot in front of them. Rolling up his sleeves, he took the branch and slid it under the corpse. He felt foolish, but without knowing how recently the human had passed he did not want to risk absorbing its  _SOUL_  by touching it. He could have used his magic, but he felt even that was too risky. Gaster had no interest in power, only knowledge.

With a grunt, he turned the body over, thankful the branch didn’t break. The leaves that had rested on the body crunched loudly beneath the sudden weight upon them. Tossing the branch aside, he straighten himself, and took a drag from his cigarette, studying the new view.

It was female, clearly, from the breasts. The hair had fallen from her face after Gaster had moved it, he had difficulty telling the color of the hair due to the blood and dirt that coated it. Bruising covered her face and neck, her lips cracked and dry. She had a good bone structure, she could have been pretty if not for all the damage to her face; and of course the fact she was human. Moving over the rest of the body, Gaster saw that her clothes were torn, ripped. Blue jeans held loosely to her hips, a ripped purple sweater held tightly to her chest, its color nearly lost under the blood and mud that caked her all over. Cuts and bruising covered the skin that he could see. Finally, she was barefoot, her feet blistered.

Had the fall to the underground done this to her? Or was she attacked by something?

“She looks pretty bad.” Alphys commented, breaking the silence.

Gaster huffed, “It’s clearly dead.” He avoided using a clarifying pronoun for the human, preferring to think of it as an object. Easier to study an object.

“Really?”

“Would you survive such injuries?”

“No… but, I’m not a human.”

Gaster’s eyebrows quirked up. “Very true.” He hadn’t checked for signs of life, assuming it dead due to its stillness and injuries. He was reminded yet again why he chose Alphys as his assistant. Pulling the cigarette from his mouth, he tapped it to rid it of the ash then set it back. Carefully, he pulled his magic into his eyes, he felt a warm calm settle into him as the magic shifted his view.

Adjusting his glasses, he looked over the body. Looking for the sign of a  _SOUL_  or life.

At first, there was nothing, and Gaster began to think his first assumption was correct; then, just barely, the body moved, a gasp for breath so tiny and struggled filled that had he not been looking so intensely, he would have never noticed it.

That gasp, that struggle for life was enough for the small violet light to shine. The human  _SOUL._ Moving his eyes to the source, Gaster looked it over. The first thing he noted was the  _SOUL_  had a color to it, a difference to the pale white that a monster SOUL had. The second was that the  _SOUL_ was cracked, splintered, barely stable. It could break at any moment, but she was alive.

Gaster released the magic from his eyes, the warm feeling leaving with it. “You’re right, it’s alive, but barely.”

“Oh my gosh! We need to get her medical help!” Alphys started forward, but Gaster pulled her back with his magic.

“Why?” He asked, “It will not survive, even with help. It’s too far gone. Hours left at most.”

“We can’t just not do anything, she’ll die!”

“Why should we? No human would provide us with the same kindness.” He released his hold on her, curious on what she would do. Meeting her eyes, he waited.

She processed his words, then looked away, knowing what he had said to be true.

Returning his gaze to the body, Gaster could not help but be somewhat disappointed, a human corpse would yield much information, but a living one would be even better… If only there was a way to stave off death for a while… A light went on in his mind, remembering something important. He smirked.

“Alphys.”

She jumped again, still not used to the hands appearing, “Yes?”

“The alpha design for the suspension tank, it is still in working condition, correct?” He asked.

“Ah… yes, I believe so. Why do-“ She stopped mid-sentence, realizing why he asked, “Doctor Gaster! No!”

His smirk shifted to a grin, “Oh, Doctor Gaster, yes.” Focusing, he used his magic to lift the human off the ground while at the same time pulling a large tarp from one of the packs. Before wrapping the body in the tarp, he place blue magic on the  _SOUL_ , the magic would help sustain it longer and would also allow him to be aware of any changes that occurred. Lastly, before the tarp surrounded her, Gaster took note of one more thing on her body. In the middle of her chest, a dark spot was burned into her shirt.

Finally, he finished wrapping her and set her in his arms. He noted the weight, but it was well within his capabilities. Turning, he started towards the exit of the cavern, “Come, Alphys. We must hurry back to the lab.”

“This is wrong.”

Gaster stopped, “Excuse me?” He didn’t look at her. She didn’t reply.

He turned his head, looking over his shoulder, his eye lit with soft silver glow of magic. “ _Doctor Alphys.”_  He spoke, his words heavy, “If I remember correctly; seeing as it was not so long ago…  I went out of my way to make sure you understood the terms of your employment. That you were to both learn and enhance my work. To never question my decisions.  _To never cause me any problems.”_

The air in the room felt heavy, Alphys shuddered, still not speaking.

“ _Are we going to have a problem?”_  Though he had to speak in hands to her, he still spoke aloud. The venom in his voice quite clear. He did not like it when someone chose to stand in his way of knowledge.

“N-n-no…” She finally squeaked out the word.

The tenseness in the air evaporated, he gave her a small smile, “Then grab the packs, and move.”

“Yes, Doctor Gaster.”

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY NUMBER 01]_

_Note: Regarding any objects found on the specimen, they were thoroughly examined then burned. Personal items cannot enter the tank and keeping anything could result in discovery. I did allow Alphys to keep the silver bracelet, she found it charming and there was no harm to it. She can claim to have found it at the dump among the other human items. Nothing of note was found, she wore only the pants, shirt, and bracelet._

The ~~human~~ specimen’s will to live is strong, it clearly did not want to die. Though I feel this strength will not last forever, it matters not now that is has been successfully submerged in the suspension tank. I am thankful for the tank’s more remote location in the lab, prying eyes cannot wander down here easily. I have updated the tank chamber’s key card entry to only allow myself and Dr. Alphys to enter, though I only allow my assistant entry due to the fact she was present upon my discovery of the specimen, though she may be helpful in future endeavors.

…

While the suspension tank is an alpha design, I do not worry about its use. My design is only considered Alpha due to it being the first one built. I do not build something until I am sure everything will work. So, while it is an “alpha” model, it is just a functional as a standard version.

The tank is carefully designed to prolong the health of a fallen monster’s body and soul, slowing the progress of the body to almost standstill. This allows certain medical methods to be performed that required time when time was not available. Of course, if the  _SOUL_  dies, the tank cannot stop the body’s decay. So long as a  _SOUL_  is in a somewhat stable condition the tank will prolong it, hopefully allowing it to heal.

The tank is equipped with all matters of tools, allowing access to a full range of surgeries. The design also allows full monitoring of all bodily functions. Heart rate, blood pressure, temperature, the works. It will allow me to conduct any tests I want without issue. This is good, since, due to the specimen’s unstable  _SOUL_ , if  ~~she~~  it is ever removed, it would die instantly.

The tank would heal the body but it could not heal the  _SOUL_. From the examinations I have conducted so far, I have learned that if not for the facts that; a human body does not turn to dust upon death and a human  _SOUL_  is much stronger than that of a monster’s, the specimen would not be alive. The tank must always remain in full power, fighting the body’s constant decay, the body is essentially dead, only surviving thanks to the tank. It is due to this that the  _SOUL_ will never fully heal, since its host is both trying to keep it tethered and reject it at the same time.

One other function I designed in the tank is to monitor a  _SOUL’s_  stability. This will come in handy due to the specimen’s constant instability.

Heh, I am quite proud of this creation. I feel that it is one of my best in fact, second only to the Core.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY NUMBER 02]_

I have conducted several assessments on the specimen to gather basic information as a basis for future examinations and experiments.

The following is data I have procured:

Sex: Female.

Skin Color: White, but it has a browning to it.

Blood type: B+

Height: 5 feet 7 inches

Weight: 159 Pounds

Hair: Scarlet Red

Eye color: Green

Possible Age: 17 years

Injuries are as follows;

  * Traumatic Brain Injury
  * Left fibula and tibia cracked in several locations
  * Fractures along the pelvis
  * Several broken ribs.
  * A nearly collapsed lung.
  * Right humorus fractured
  * Broken clavicle
  * Lacerations across the majority the body.
  * Bruising covers all areas of the body.
  * A burn on the chest, near the heart.
  * Internal bleeding



Thankfully, the tank will heal all of these injuries. The nutrients in the suspension will provide the body with everything it needs while also absorbing any waste it creates.

I feel that the majority of these injuries could be caused by how the specimen fell, though some, such as the burn, lean towards a different explanation. It is overall irrelevant though, to wonder how it received them, since it will never awaken. It is in a permanent comatose state, the injuries to its head extremely severe. It’s a wonder on how it stayed alive long enough to be found.

I must admit… I am somewhat excited; how long as it been since I was so eager to begin working?

Such interesting things I hope to gather from this specimen… the first human to be seen since monsters first came to the underground.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have questions or want to see what the main characters look like? Check out the FAQ at http://beforehefell.tumblr.com/faq


	2. Human Studies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Entry Numbers and WINGDINGS language is SUPPOSED TO BE IN WINGDINGS. Unfortunately, this site does not ALLOW WINGDINGS.  
> So, if you see anything in brackets such as [this]. It means its suppose to be WINGDINGS.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY 17]_

It seems female humans bleed occasionally due to a biological need. I left Alphys with the re-structuring of the gel to deal with this annoyance.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY 79]_

The specimen’s body seems to have completely healed most of its wounds. An impressive feat, a broken bone can take a Skeleton some months to heal without healing magic, while for a human it seems only a handful of weeks are needed.

This is good to know; if the body is stable more in-depth testing is available.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY 1492]_

The  _SOUL_ , when first put into the tank, was at a low percentile, barely in the double digits. As time passes though, I’ve begun to second guess my assumption that the  _SOUL_  will never heal. Since my knowledge on  _SOUL_ s is based solely around monsters, and not humans, it is not unexpected that I would be wrong.

This second guess is caused by the fact that today, I noted that the stability of the  _SOUL_  has risen into the higher double digits. Curious, will it fully heal?

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

**(result of an ask on tumblr)**  
  
Alphys asked the strangest question today… She asked me if a human was able to “breed” with a monster. While I understand how a female human’s reproductive system now works, though its urge to bleed is a strange product of evolution, I had not considered this… idea.  
  
I feel like this question is a product of her strange obsession with the human cartoon.  
  
While the prospect is intriguing at first thought, and perhaps in the future it is something I may explore, I do not believe at this time a human and monster could produce offspring. Due to the biological differences between the two.  
  
That is only considering the science view of it of course, magic is something I know I will never fully understand, and so there may be the possibility of offspring of the soul being created. The process may even be similar to how monsters, like myself, are born.I do not intend to find out.  
  
I could, however test the biological side of it. To see if my assumption is true and prove if monsters and humans could breed. It would be a simply matter of extracting one of the specimen’s eggs and testing it.  
  
I will not.  
  
Not only is such extreme genetic manipulation frowned upon, if it somehow succeeded in creating a life… I would only have two paths to take, either to kill the fetus or bring it to fruition.  
  
I do not want that type of LOVE on my  _SOUL,_  by killing an unborn infant, and nor would I ever bring such a… abomination to life.

~*~

**(result of an ask on tumblr)**

“The King and Queen?”

“Yes,” Alphys said, quickly handing Gaster a soldering tool as he beckoned for one, “You’re the royal scientist, so you must see them often.”

“His Majesty perhaps, you know I meet him every so often to request funding or update him about the newest works in the lab.” Gaster replied, not looking up from the object he was working on, “I don’t see Her Majesty often though, she is very pre-occupied raising the new prince….” Gaster stopped, looking up from his work and thinking to himself, “I wonder if he’d allow me to study the effects of a boss monster’s aging now the prince is here…”

Alphys gave a laugh at that, “That  _would_  be interesting to learn about… I’d forgotten about the young prince, he’s only a few years old right? A toddler?”

“Mhm.” Gaster replied, making a note to ask the King about aging.

A moment passed, neither speaking.

Gaster sighed, “Alphys, you have another question?”

She squeaked, “You could tell…?” Gaster just stared at her, waiting, “I was… we’ve had… _her_ for a while now.” Alphys hissed the word quietly, “Are you going to tell His Majesty?”

Gaster scoffed, returning to his work, “Why would I do that?”

“I-I-I… I mean he’s our boss, it’s his money…”

“The king is a very kind person, Alphys. The  _specimen_  is not something that can be saved. He would want it killed – hand me the copper wire – as an act of kindness, or removed from the tank to try and save it, killing it still. There is too much we can still learn from  _it,_ to risk such a thing.”

“Oh…” She tapped her claws together, thinking. “What if he was okay with it?”

“While I very much doubt he would be, why risk the chance either way?” Gaster said, finishing the soldering of the wire, “Now… Alphys, if you are done with such mundane questions, why don’t you tell me what I just did and why I did it? Since you’re supposed to be watching to replicate it”

“Uh….!”

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY 1670]_

Recommendation; if ever facing a human in battle, they have a pressure point located in the lower left section of their abdomen that will result in their immobility. Immobility seems to be due to severe pain flooding the body. Will test this further. Diagram of pressure points will be provided for future reference.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY 1801]_

The  _SOUL’_ s stability has not risen is sometime, staying at a standard of thirty-three to thirty-seven percent. While the fluctuation are interesting, it never rises above that percentile. It seems I was correct in my assumption that the  _SOUL_  will not heal.

While I am somewhat disappointed, since I am eager to work on a full  _SOUL_ , this stability is still advantageous. More stability means more available testing.

 

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY 2170]_

If a limb on a most monsters is removed, the limb turns to dust and the monster must live life without that limb. I have successfully removed the specimen’s right leg and reattached it, nerves and all. It seems that aside from the healing process needing to work as usual there will be no long term effects of the limb’s removal. 

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY 3610]_

His Majesty paid the lab a visit today; my co-workers were happy to show their ever present efforts to improve life in the underground. I mention this in these files because one of the others let it slip about my continued entry within the tank chamber. This was a ploy of theirs to learn what my “project” may be, since they have no way of finding on their own.

His Majesty was, of course, very curious on what I may be working on; I felt it best to keep him in the dark, sure that he would not agree with my actions. I simply explained that I preferred the chamber as a secondary office; not a complete lie. I have begun to enjoy working on various other projects in the tank chamber due to its solitude; Alphys does not enjoy working on the specimen so she often avoids entering it.

I find myself somewhat inspired inside as well, ideas coming to me while studying the specimen. Nothing on the scale of the Core, but there is very little that could compare to something like that.

That reminds me, there was a theory I wanted to test regarding the specimen’s heart…

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY 3812]_

It has been sometime since I obtained the specimen and it continues to provide new information; but I must admit that I am starting to wonder how much longer it can provide new information. There is only so much someone can learn from one specimen. I am beginning to wonder about the other aspect of the human that I have, reluctant as I am to admit this, avoided testing due to its frail state.

As I stated in my early entries, the specimen’s body is in a type of limbo, not dead but not alive. This in turn causes a state of perpetual death for the  _SOUL_  within, always on the edge of fading. Its stability continues to maintain itself around the mid-thirty percentiles.

While this means that I can perform various tasks on the  _SOUL_  with less chance of it shattering, I am very reluctant to do so, for if something were to go in error and destroy the  _SOUL_ …

~*~

“For if something were to go in error and destroy the  _SOUL_ …” The recorder clicked off, Gaster leaned back in his office chair, rocking slightly. He ran his right hand over his scalp, tapping his fingers against the bone while the recorder was held limply in his left. He thought carefully on what he was going to say.

What  _could_  he say? He looked around the large chamber. Before he had built the tank within, it had been just another one of the empty rooms, waiting to be used. The layout was generic, an open room floor plan. During his testing of the tank he had a few objects added for use.

A desk, which he sat at now, currently his laptop and a few other articles were on it. A large bench he could use to work on machinery or anything else he chose. Aside from that, the room was empty. Empty, except for the large tank that rested in the middle, taking up nearly half the lab with the machinery that clicked and whirled behind it.

Gaster stood and walked up to the tank, which currently rested on the floor in a horizontal position. One of the designs of the tank was to allow it to be shifted between a vertical view to allow for space and basic observation and a horizontal view that allowed for a more up close view for better control of machinery and tools during surgeries; or in Gaster’s case, testing.

He had simply left it in the horizontal position after his last test some days ago, not bothering to shift it. Looming over the tank, he entered his passcode into the side panel and the dark tint that clouded the glass faded away, a feature to ensure privacy for those within, and the human’s form came into view. Placing a hand on the glass, he studied her.

It had been  _years_ since Gaster had found the fallen human and set her within the tank. She had not aged, due to the tank’s ability. Typically, the tank was only supposed to hold someone for a short period of time, slowing the body’s processes enough that they could be assisted medically. It was this slowing process that caused the lack of aging.

So the human remained virtually unchanged within, in a seemingly healthier state than she was when found, little to no muscle or weight loss from the time. While she had developed scars from both the injuries of her fall and Gaster’s own tests, she remained untouched from the passing of years. The only sign of her aging still taking some effect, was the fact her hair and nails still grew and her menstrations still occurred every so often, these too though were effectively slowed. He cut the nails and hair every once and a while, to ensure they did not impede his research.

He pressed a button on the console, and the machinery started to whirl loudly. The tank shifted, its wires and mechanical arms pulling it up, setting it into the vertical position.

Inside, the human’s deep red hair swirled around, upset by the tank’s movement. He had allowed the hair to grow to reach her mid back, so it curved around her as if trying to hide her naked form from Gaster’s view.

After the machinery quieted, Gaster tapped his chin, his thought’s returning to the topic at hand.

What could he say? He thought again. He tests the various theories he has on the  _SOUL_  and possibly destroy it in the process, in turn losing a  _very_  valuable specimen.

Gaster enjoyed a challenge, but did not enjoy fool-hardy risks. Accessing the  _SOUL_  was not a difficult task, that process had been discovered a long time ago, but the risks were still there. It was like poking a beating heart with a sharp pencil. Gaster laughed aloud, it echoed in the near-empty room, realizing he had done a very similar thing already to the human’s  _actual_ heart. Any hazards from that, however, he could control easily. Testing on such as unstable  _SOUL_ were not as controllable.

Examining the tank again, he spoke, “What do you think, dear specimen? Shall I continue tests on your physical form or would you prefer I risk your  _SOUL_? You could die.” A chuckle, “Though, I’m guessing you’d prefer death to your current situation,  _wouldn’t you?”_

He turned to return to his desk but was stopped short from a startling sight. He blinked, what he had seen disappeared. He touched his forehead, looking over his shoulder at the tank. The human still rested within it. He reached over to the console and pressed a button, the tint returned to the glass, hiding the human from view.

Looking around the chamber, he waited, for what he wasn’t sure. Was it simply an afterimage, burned into his eyes briefly from looking at her form to long?

For one brief moment, Gaster had seen the human standing in front of him. Very alive, and  _very_ angry.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████]_

I have been experiencing the phenomenon of the specimen appearing around me repeatedly, as of late. They are only brief flashes, but distracting. This could be due to spending too much time in the tank chamber, a side effect of some project, perhaps a prank by my co-workers, or simply a sign of my failure to take care of my health recently.

So, I took some time off from my work, something I do rarely, and rested. After returning, I focused on my more important projects and experiments.

It has been some weeks since, and I have finally returned to the chamber. I am eager to review some of the data and results from long-term tests I have been conducting.

~*~

Gaster clicked off the recorder and picked up some papers off the work bench, recent print outs of some data, and started reviewing them. His pen tapping rhythmically in his left hand as he stood and read the information. He was in a good mood. Alphys continued to show the promise he had first seen in her, even his co-workers had learned to accept her presence as the years had passed. A recent project, which he had allowed her to take charge off, had gone very well and-

Gaster’s eye twitched, slamming the papers down on the bench he looked around. For a moment, he allowed himself to believe that the rumors of his drift into insanity were beginning to hold some  _truth._  That could be the only explanation possible, after his attempt to care for his health, that he had just seen the human appear,  _again_ , in the corner of his eye.

He leaned against the bench, his weight on his palms. Thinking carefully. He glowed his eyes some, the feeling calming him. In his calm, he looked around the room again, at the tank. He hadn’t removed the tint since entering the room so there was no way it was a mental after image… Gaster finally realized something. The flashes had always been so fast he had never noticed it before… the form of the human… it was clean and  _clothed._

He pushed away from the bench, releasing his glow, walked over to the tank and turned off the tint. Inside the tank, as always, she rested. The biggest thing someone would notice while looking at her, after realizing she was human, was that she was  _naked._

In his mind, this was what he saw when he thought of the human. The image of her inside the tank. He had only ever seen her clothed for a short period of time, when he found her. The clothes had been torn up, thick with blood and mud. Destroyed once removed.

But this image… it was clean, not just the body, but the clothes too. Why would his imagination create an image he had never  _seen?_

He placed his hand against his head, smiling, then laughing. How had the thought not occurred to him  _sooner?_  He used magic on a constant bases, why had it not occurred to him that a human could as well?

He sighed, straighten himself, and looked at the human, “Did you hope to drive me  _insane?_ ” He said loudly, the words echoing in the chamber, “That I would become too scared to work on you for fear of my mental health?” He also took the time to sign the words with magic hands, though he had no idea if she could understand his words in either method.

No reply came. He started pacing back and forth, “How simple do you take me for? You pushed too hard,  _human¸_ you stood out more than you should have. Did you not think I would find it strange that my visions were confide to a single room?”

No reply again.

He stopped pacing, spreading his arms out, palms open, he spoke again, “Come now. I’ve figured out your trick. Show yourself. I am  _very_  interested in meeting you.” He was. How was she able to do it? And why now?

Again, no reply.

His arms fell to his sides, starting to get frustrated, an idea came to him, “Well… perhaps I am mistaken.” He started tapping his chin, “Perhaps I am speaking to an empty room… Well, since there is no one here to object… I did want to re-visit my previous assessment of sending various _electrical charges_  into the tank to see how it effects the body. I feel as if my results were not ver-“

His sentence cut off, he took an involuntary step back, the human had appeared in front of him, the step back had been caused both by her close proximity to him and the fact she had attempted to strike him. Attempted, in this case, meaning the blow made full contact, but inflicted no harm as her hand drifted through his face. She was incorporeal.

Gaster swallowed, took a deep breath, and calmed himself. He began looking her over, for she remained visible. She looked as she did when he had first found her, dying in the ruins… Wait, no. Not as he had found her, but before. Clean, well kept, her clothes un-damaged, she even had boots on. This solidified the truth of the matter for Gaster, he could not imagine her clean nor with shoes since he had never seen her in such a state.

Her green eyes were wild with anger, her hand still hovering in the air from her attempt to strike him.

Gaster smiled.

The anger shifted into confusion as he watched. She adjusted her stance, staring at her hands. Had she not intended to show herself? She didn’t looked up at him, wrapping her arms around her, she held herself tightly. He couldn’t see her face well, but he saw her mouth move, forming a sentence. No sound followed it though, she was mute. She faded from view. The lab empty aside from Gaster yet again.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████]_

_Note: Due to the human’s sudden presence in the lab, I am choosing to record more **topic sensitive** entries in a more secure location. The Core observation room. This explains any noises heard during the recording._

Somehow… the specimen is able to create a… representation of itself in an attempt to interact with the world outside the tank. Interesting, is this a power all humans have? If so, why has it waited so long to interact?

Hm.

It seems it cannot speak while making itself visible, or perhaps the specimen was mute before its death, though my data has given no such results. I will assume for the time being that it is unable to create a voice, only the image of how it perceives itself. It seems to perceive itself in the way it was before it fell, I wonder if it can choose its image or if it is unaware of its current state.

Strike that, it must clearly be aware of its current state, else its interactions would clearly be different. It also seems to have some understanding of my hand signs or even perhaps my very language from the fact it clearly reacted to my statement of re-testing.

I wonder at the words it tried to speak. I never deemed it worth learning to read lips, I see my failure in doing so. Luckily I have no issue re-calling the image of her speaking. I can easily re-create it on paper and apply it to a lip-reading program… after I program it of course.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████]_

_Note: Sounds of the Core can be heard._

It has taken some time, since I had to work outside the tank chamber which means interaction with both Alphys and my co-workers, but I was able to create a viable lip-reading program. I have input various information regarding my knowledge of the human dialect as well other things to ensure that the reading is as accurate as possible. I cover the programming in _[ENTRY ████]_

The final result is that the specimen’s statement was… dull. A request to cease research… or as the specimen said, “Please stop hurting me.”

So, it can feel what I have been doing to it. Intriguing. This knowledge will come in handy in what I plan to be many future interactions with the specimen.

And here I was worried that I was beginning to run out of new things to learn. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have questions or want to see what the main characters look like? Check out the FAQ at http://beforehefell.tumblr.com/faq


	3. Difficulty Communicating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Entry Numbers and WINGDINGS language is SUPPOSED TO BE IN WINGDINGS. Unfortunately, this site does not ALLOW WINGDINGS.  
> So, if you see anything in brackets such as [this]. It means its suppose to be WINGDINGS.

The door slid closed with a sharp  _click_  as Gaster entered the lab. Detecting his movement, the lights flickered on and a slight whirl sounded as the air condition shutters opened, fresh air pumping into the room. Giving the chamber a once over, he walked into the center of it. Adjusting his glasses, he waited a bit, curious to see if she would appear willingly.

She didn’t.

Gaster thought over the words he was planning on saying again, then started talking, signing as he went, “I would like to speak with you, I have a proposition that you may be interested in.” He waited for a moment, nothing happened, so he continued, “I find this… ability of yours, highly interesting, and the fact you would be the first human I will ever speak to, maybe the only one I will ever have the chance to speak to, only increases that interest. So, if you agree to appear and speak with me, I have no qualms with postponing my… exams for the day. This, of course, applies to all future interactions.”

He finished and waited, hands in his pockets, giving her time to consider the proposal. After about fifteen minutes though, Gaster started to get irritated, he did not like being ignored. This was a good deal, the best the  _human_  could ask for given her situation. His mind drifted to the words she had spoken, “Please, stop hurting me.” She could feel pain, meaning that if she did not want to work willingly with him, he had methods of persuasion.

“That being said, if you don’t want to satisfy my curiosity… I could always sate it with the more… interesting experiments I have planned…”

He smirked as her form faded into view. She appeared, levitating some feet off the floor, her arms crossed as she looked down at him, she looked reluctant at showing herself, yet she clearly believed this to be the lesser of two evils. Her appearance was clean still; short cut hair, purple sweater, blue jeans. The only difference was that she was barefoot. So it seems she had control over her appearance, if only slight.

“Hello.”

She only glared at him in reply.

“Ah, if looks could kill.” He gave a light laugh, “So… I am to assume you are the same human that sleeps in the tank, correct?”

She didn’t move or say anything for a moment, fighting with herself on whether to reply or not. Finally, she gave a curt nod. She didn’t seem scared, only cautious.

“And you are unable to speak?”

She glanced down and touched her throat gingerly, then gave another nod.

“Are you mute or is that just because of your current state?”

She started mouthing something, than stopped, sighing. Gaster noted that she still held the mannerism of breathing, her chest shifting up and down as she took breaths. Were the movements unconscious, done purely from habit while she was alive?

“Let me make this simpler. Are you naturally mute?” Her eyes followed the movement of his hands as he spoke then made eye contact with him again. She shook her head. So it is her current state that makes her unable to speak.

A thought occurred to him. He slid his hands back into his coat pockets. “Are you able to understand me?” He was very curious on this part, could a human really fully understand _[WING-DINGS]_?

Another nod.

Interesting. He admitted to himself some relief as well, he didn’t particularly enjoy signing and it would make the interactions much easier. Though, how did she know it?

“How do you know my native language? I doubt it is common among humans, were you taught it?”

She blinked, not replying.

Ah, yes. She could not give such detailed answers. Gaster was wondering how long it would take to learn lip-reading when the human uncrossed her arms and lifted her hands to her ears, cupping them.

This motion intrigued Gaster, wondering what it meant, then it clicked. She had listened to him, and in turn, learned to understand. It was not impossible, he had been recording entries in the tank chamber since the beginning of his studies on her. If she had been aware the whole time, listening and watching, it was very possible for her to have learned to understand him.

He tapped his chin thoughtfully, “To learn a language solely by listening… That would take-” He stopped, giving a chuckle, “Well, yes, I guess you  _have_  had years to learn, haven’t you?” Glancing at the tinted glass of the tank. Given the fact that Gaster was not speaking slowly, or using a more basic form to speak, she clearly had a somewhat fluent understanding. More so than Alphys, who still tried to understand him with difficulty, even after all the years as his assistant.

An impressive feat. Clearly, the human was not simple-minded.

Gaster walked over to his desk, picking up the pen and clip-board that rested on it, and made notes. Saying them aloud as he did so, a habit from the years of recordings. “Specimen has fluent understanding of _[WING-DINGS]_ ” He noted, among the other things he had learned so far.

Setting the objects back down, he turned back to the human, who was still watching him. She seemed much angrier though. Curious.

“Have I upset you already?” He asked. She looked over at the desk, turning her glare to the objects on it.

She was mad at his note taking? Why would she care, he only… Gaster realized the issue.

“Do you not like being called a specimen?”

Her glare returned to him.

He shook his head, how foolish, “That  _is_ what you are though.  _My specimen._ My pet project. Providing… years of entertainment.”

It was as if he had struck her, her gaze fell away from him. Clearly she was remembering the years of tests he had performed.

“You could, of course, always just tell me your  _name._  If you would prefer to be called by that.” It was a taunt, a jab at her muteness. A  _bad_  attempt to lighten the mood.

She took it as much more, it seems. In a swift motion the human ceased her floating, her bare feet slapping soundless against the ground. She walked towards him at a fast pace, wagging her finger and spewing what could only be some very selective insults at him, not caring he didn’t hear any of it. Gaster didn’t try to memorize it for later translation, having an idea of what she was saying.

Just before she reached him though, her form seemed to  _flicker._ She stopped mid walk, closing her eyes and clasping her chest, which was heaving. Her form started to shimmer, becoming unfocused. After a moment, she opened her eyes and lifted her gaze to Gaster. She gave him one more sharp glare, raised one hand, and preformed an obscene gesture he understood quite well, then blinked out of sight.

Gaster started to demand she return, but cut himself short. She had looked exhausted, did making herself visible tire her out? Or had the outburst drained her?

He examined the vitals from the tank, they showed no sign of physical exertion. Checking the last vitals, he finally found an indication of stress. Her  _SOUL_  stability had dropped into the low thirties, when it generally stayed in the mid-range.

So, it was the  _SOUL’s_ power that allowed her to manifest, real magic. He knew humans had the ability to use magic but it was supposed to be rare. He would have to be cautious in the future about how he interacted with her, there was no telling what could push her too far, causing her _SOUL_  to finally shatter.

Gaster pinched his nasal bone, critiquing himself for his actions.  _This_  was why he left interactions with subjects to assistants. He  _hated_  dealing with people.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

Due to the specimen’s limited ability to speak, and its lack of knowledge regarding sign language, my questions are stuck to a “yes, no, and other” answering format. While tedious, it did allow me to learn some basic things. The following is our latest interaction.

Q: Do you know where you are? A:  _Other._ It seems to understand that it is not on the surface, but not sure of exactly where it is. I explained, and it seem to readily accept this.

Q: Do you remember how you came to be here? A:  _Yes._  It seem hesitant to answer. I have no way of building on this though, given she cannot speak, sign, or write.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

The specimen seems to have figured out I cannot lip-read, often making comments to herself with no care if I see them.

I translate them later, but most are just insults towards me. A handful are curious though, such as “Why do I always get stuck with the crazy ones?” or “Why can’t I meet any  _nice_  guys?”

Seems that the specimen finds interactions with me just as tedious as I find them with it. I have decided not to reveal that I can learn what it is saying, wanting to see if it will let anything worth knowing slip out.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

Q: Are you able to move anything? A:  _No_. It seems while it can modify its form enough not to shift through objects, creating the  _appearance_  of touching it, but it cannot actually  _move_  anything.  
  
This has an interesting result since it is able to lean or rest against nothing in the air. It demonstrated this to me by a strange routine where it acted as if were trapped within a box. Was it trying to be funny?

Q: Are you able to choose your appearance? A:  _No._  It cannot control how it looks, this is evident in the fact that its appearance seems somewhat different each time we interact. Sometimes it wears boots, other times it is barefoot. At times the jeans are torn, others they are not. Sometimes its hair is of varying lengths and styles. It seems  ~~her~~  its  _SOUL_  cannot decide on what the appearance it prefers.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

It can sustain its self for varying amounts of times. Dependent upon several factors. Stress levels, exertion, time. How it felt in previous sessions could also affect the next.

The harder it becomes for it to stay visible, the more its image shimmers and becomes unfocused.

The longer it stays present and exerts itself, the lower the  _SOUL’s_ stability drops. It seems the most unstable when it reaches the high twenty percentiles, unable to stay visible once reaching that range.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

During the latest session, I noticed that while the specimen hovered nearby the tank. There was no reflection.  
  
After seeing this I took the time to track down a hand mirror and test this. It has no reflection.  I took it a step further and used a research camcorder to record the specimen. While it did not seem to like this, it does not matter. It does not matter on the recording or in pictures.

This is a pity, since I had been considering to start recording our sessions. Perhaps it is better this way, less chance of discovery. Videos often pick up more than intended. 

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

Today I provided a set of cards with letters on them, laying them out on the work bench in full view. I hoped that it would allow more in-depth communication between us.

It grasped the idea quickly, pointing to each letter to spell out an answer. It was slow, tedious. The air conditioning randomly clicking on unsettled the cards. It also seems to drain it to continually spell out the answers. The longer the answer, the slower it was.

I started with some basic questions.

Q: Do you know where you are? A:  _The Underground_.  _Your lab. My prison._  So it sees itself as my captive. Does it understand it is essentially dead? I will wait to reveal this, saving it for later after we have found an effective way to communicate.

Q: How old are you? A:  _Seventeen_. It is, of course, much older than that now. Was it aware of how much time had passed?

I tried to ask more detailed questions.

Q: What is your name? A:  _Go fuck yourself._ ~~She~~ It found this hilarious.. I asked again, it didn’t deem it worth its time. Disappearing as an answer instead.

I do not think this method is effective.   
  
I also begin to tire of its attitude towards our sessions.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

As it becomes used to showing itself, growing stronger, it has demonstrated an interesting effect of its ability. Given the fact the specimen is not physically here, only a mere projection created by the power of its  _SOUL_ , it does not actually need to move as is normal.

While at times, it acts out the movements of walking or drifting to a segment of the room, there are others where it simply  _appears_  there. Popping out of view in one spot and reappearing in another spot instantly.

I find this somewhat unsettling.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

It made a strange comment today.

I had a disagreement with it, reprimanding it for disappearing so often, its attitude towards our sessions. Reminding it that I was the one in full control here and could find it in full violation of our agreement when it acts out. Reminding it that I could start my tests again at  _any time._

It seemed to understand, bowing its head. It made the comment when I was not looking, clearly not intending me to see it.

I am unsure on how to take this comment.

“You’re as bad as he was.”

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

The specimen has started behaving better as of late, either due to my warning or just because it grew bored of acting out. Either way, it is more agreeable to work with now. 

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

_Note_ : _Core sounds in background._

I tire of my interactions with the specimen. Not in the sense that they are not interesting but in the sense that communication is… annoying. It appears when I request, as per the deal I offered it, and it remains as long as it is able to sustain itself.  It answers the questions I ask without _much_  issue anymore.

It seems to finally understand that if I am learning something I have no interest of breaking the agreement. I have every intention of continuing to fulfill my portion of the deal, I do not make promises lightly. I run no tests. I have no issues with this agreement currently, I am happy to focus on the interaction and learning what I can regarding the specimen and its ability.

That is why the difficulty in communication is becoming such an annoyance. Interaction would be much better if it could use sign language. This limitation of motions and yes/no answers is tedious.

I do not have the time nor patience to teach her to sign… though… perhaps I need not teach  ~~her~~ it.

~*~

As Gaster entered the chamber, the room came to life as always. A few moments later, the human appeared, waiting for him to speak. He was grateful for her finally accepting the situation, he did not enjoy it when subjects were disagreeable.

“I have no intention of speaking long in today’s session. I have other obligations to attend to.” As he spoke he walked to his desk and set down the folder he was carrying. He looked, expecting to see relief at not having to deal with him that day on her face. Instead… there was disappointment.

How strange.

“I have brought you something to occupy yourself in the meantime.”

He could not help but smile somewhat when he saw the look of surprise on her face. She floated over to him, hovering in the air beside him as he took the papers out of the folder. He found it strange the way she moved, drifting around weightlessly yet seeming to have weight at the same time.

He laid the papers out carefully, in proper order. “I am giving you some credit here, hoping you are not as simple as I assume most humans are. Given you were able to learn my native tongue.” He finished, looking at the work sheets again to ensure they were properly set.

“I created these as a way to teach Dr. Alphys to understand me when we started to work together. So, now you are to learn these so that I may understand you in turn.” The work sheets on the table depicted large letters and beneath each letter were pictures of hands doing movements. A guide to the alphabet in hand signs.

He looked up at her and watched her expression carefully. She was looking over the sheets, her pointer and thumb gently touching her lips as she studied them. Her eyes shifted as she noticed him watching her.

To his surprise, she tilted her head and smiled at him.

Ugh… “Well, I expect you to have some basic understanding when we speak next. Which may not be for some time. Understood? We need to be able to communicate if I am to continue postponing my experiments on you. “

She gave a slight scowl at the mention of testing, then nodded to say she understood. With that, she faded. Gaster knew it was in his mind, but he was very aware that she still hovered next to him, reading the papers.

He stepped away and was about to exit the chamber, but stopped. Reaching over he hit a switch that caused the auto lights to continue to stay on after he left. With that, he exited.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

It has been about a week since I left the specimen to study the work sheets. My other projects demand more attention than  ~~she~~ it does. Alphys has been creating some… interesting things that, even I, want to see where they go. Surprisingly, she even had an idea for something regarding the specimen. I noted this but informed her that a recent test had made it so the specimen needed to heal for some time.

This seemed to upset her, she is always so sensitive to the matters of the specimen’s health. I believe that if she thought she could get away with it, she would let the specimen die… Her sense of ethics is still very strong.

I may remove Alphys’ access to the chamber, if the specimen happens to show itself while she is in there it could create problems. I had been considering letting Alphys know about the recent developments in past few months but perhaps I shall not. It might be too much for her to handle.

~*~

The human appeared before him as Gaster entered the lab. She seemed eager.

“Hello.” He waited.

She stared him down for a moment then lifted her hands. “H-e-l-l-o. G-a-s-t-e-r.” her movements were slow, unused to the activity but accurate. Faster than pointing to cards, much to his relief.

He was pleasantly surprised by the addition of his name. He smirked, “That’s Doctor Gaster.”

She rolled her eyes and signed, “Hello, D-O-C-T-O-R Gaster.”

Finally. Progress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have questions or want to see what the main characters look like? Check out the FAQ at http://beforehefell.tumblr.com/faq


	4. Becoming Acquainted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Entry Numbers and WINGDINGS language is SUPPOSED TO BE IN WINGDINGS. Unfortunately, this site does not ALLOW WINGDINGS.  
> So, if you see anything in brackets such as [this]. It means its suppose to be WINGDINGS.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

I must admit my relief at the specimen’s new ability to communicate, I was beginning to tire of sketching various versions of its mouth to fit what it said so I could input them into my program. More than once did Alphys come up behind me and almost see my sketches. The last thing I want her to think is that I am attempting to draw that human cartoon she watches in her off time.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

The specimen has revealed that it has been aware of my experiments for many years. Though not from the beginning. It recalls its first memory of a test being done was where its eyes lids were forcibly opened. The light had hurt to see but it couldn’t recall any images.

If I recall correctly various tests required this but the first that occurred was around 3 months after finding the specimen, I extracted fluid from the eyes.

It agrees with the notion of that being the time, since it remembers the feeling of needles in its eyes.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

The specimen has come to grasp the basics of signing, I have provided more reading material regarding the topic to further enhance its knowledge. With time, it will hopefully become as fluent in signs as it is in understanding [ _WING-DINGS]._

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

While it was fully aware of the tests after the first few months in the suspension tank, it took years for it to “see” anything.

It explained that it is  _very_  aware of its body. It can hear the slow flow on the gel around her body. The clicks and beeps of the machines. Me, when I talk close to the tank. There is no control of the body though, it had felt trapped for years, enduring the pains I inflicted on it. It describes the feeling as if it were tied up and put in a tight box. So restricted that nothing would move. It had fought those binds for ages.

Until finally, one day, it was free.

…

The specimen has faded. It does not return when asked.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

It sleeps. Or what could be considered sleeping in some aspect. When the strain of being outside the body, visible or not, becomes too much it returns. It describes the feeling as being pulled back into itself.

Its awareness of the outside becomes dulled when it is weaker. Like a deep sleep it can’t awaken from.

It is important I make note of the specimen stability percentiles when I bring up… harsher topics. I do not want to push it to where it cannot appear when requested anymore.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

It had grown too unstable during our last session regarding its initial awakening, I allowed it to rest before having it continue on its’ development of its ability.

Today, it continued.

It had been during an exam, when it occurred, it was unsure of what I had been doing though; the shock of suddenly being able to see and move to intense too focus on anything else. Shame, it would have given us a time frame if it was able to recall the exam, it only recalls the pain had been focused around the chest. This could cover a multitude of things, so it was no help.

Anyway, it remembered wanting to stop the pain of what I was doing, trying to fight against the invisible binds that made her body unresponsive. It describes the feeling of an unexpected feeling release, of being thrown forward, tumbling almost.

That there was suddenly lights and sounds, so strong it hurt but was so amazing at the same time. It could still feel its body, hear the sounds of the tank, but they are like background noise. Even the pain it feels becomes numb when it is outside the tank.

At first, it thought it had died and had become a ghost. This notion was intriguing, the mention of ghosts, I noted to bring this subject up in a later session. It learned quickly it was still alive though, when something I did caused it extreme pain, pulling it back into the darkness of its body.

It had not been present very long, but it had seen enough to see me, Alphys, and the lab. It had understood that it was not among humans.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

It doesn’t feel anything, out the tank that is. It can only see and hear. While it can make contact with somethings, when focused enough not to phase through them, it doesn’t feel anything in relation to the object. Hot, cold, metal, cloth, bone. All feel the same, no texture.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

Over time, it learned to fight against the binds that held it, more and more often breaking free. Until, at last it could do it whenever it chose. It once tried to leave the chamber, trying to see what was beyond. The moment it tried to go through a door or a wall though, it was thrown back, as if there were a barrier. It is confined to the chamber.

This was surprising, it had not occurred to me that it could not leave the chamber, though I was foolish in not thinking about that before. If it could leave the lab, it could interact with many others, be discovered.

So I am thankful it cannot but I do want to know what keeps it in the chamber though.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

It described one of the tests it remembered seeing me conduct after escaping its body. In great detail. It looked sick describing it, but clearly it had been fascinated at the time it had occurred, else it would have no reason to know so much.

Given the information, I can pinpoint that it developed its ability, which I have dubbed “Ghosting”, around the fifth year that it entered into my possession.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

The Core. The Core keeps it held in the room.

The Core is my prized creation, the life changing machine that converts geothermal energies into magical electricity. This is a basic explanation of its function, but fitting enough for this entry.

Once the electricity is created, it is sent through a thousand processes, sending it to all corners of the underground. It has only been a few decades since its creation but most of the underground could not survive without it at this point. A large dependence has developed.

The electricity… it is what keeps the specimen caged in the room. Its power, its form, comes from its  _SOUL_ , as with all magic, and it is because of this it cannot leave.

Every wall in the lower labs has thousands of wires running through them, electricity flowing through each one.  _Magical electricity._  It seems its  _SOUL_  and this electricity, they oppose each other, like with repulsion of magnetic forces. Amazing. Even where gaps may reside, such as the door, it can not go through since the magical energy fills them in to create a solid wall. 

Generally, I would want to test how far the specimen is actually able to travel from its body, and I could do this easily, by shutting off the part of the power grid that powers this section of the lower lab. There is no other activity that takes place in the surrounding labs. I could easily make it so it could leave the room, see what lays beyond the walls of its “cage”.

I won’t though, not out of fear of discovery or spite, but because the specimen would not survive the moment I shut the power grid off. The tank would lose all power, and it would die.

It will never leave the lab chamber.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

_Sounds of the Core_

The specimen answers any question I pose. Be it having to do with human life style, female needs, Ghosting, and many others.

There are only two topics it adamantly avoids, even going as far to test my patience and disappearing if I press the issue. A risky choice since I could find it a violation of our agreement. I do have many tests I want to run with the information I have obtained.

_The sound of a drag from a cigarette._

Yet I allow these questions to go unanswered, due to  ~~her~~  its cooperation.

I can’t help fathom why it avoids answering those two questions among everything I’ve asked.

Would it be so horrible if I learned its name and how it fell?

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

“So as far as you have tried, you have never successfully moved anything?”

_A sound of plastic tapping against wood can be heard._

“No, I mean I haven’t tried in some time. Aside from trying to slap you.” It replies. A smirk on its lips. Its skill in signs is vastly improving.

“Some time? Perhaps you-“

_Muffled yells and bangs in the background._

“What in the world?”

~*~

Gaster stood gruffly and glared at the door. Turning the recorder off, he slid it into his pocket as he listened to the voice on the other side. The words were muffled but it was clearly Alphys, she had to be yelling for him to hear her through the soundproof walls and door. She was supposed to be on lunch.

“Hide yourself.” Gaster said quickly, but there was no need. She had already faded. She seemed to have no interest in meeting Alphys. He made a mental note to ask about it.

With the press of a button, the door slid open. Alphys was standing at the door panting, she had been running.

“M-my card wasn’t working.” She huffed.

“Alphys, why are you in such a panic?” Gaster asked to distract her, he had forgotten to mention removing her access.

“H-h-h-human…” Deeper breaths.

Looking over his shoulder to see if she had shown herself, he saw nothing but the tank. He stepped forward, out of the doorway, the door slid shut.

“What about the human? It’s perfectly stable.”

“No… not… there is a new human! A living one! The King and Queen have taken it in!”

“What?! Show me.”

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

_Sounds of the Core_

It seems the King and Queen have chosen to adopt the human child that fell. It goes by the name “Chara” and is quite friendly with the prince… I offered to examine the child for any wounds, since the story the prince tells is that it was hurt.

It seems the Royal family had taken a trip to the old city ruins, as a way to teach the growing prince of their history. It was there that he found the child, at the entrance to the underground. As I had found my specimen.

I expected to see wounds equal to that of my specimen, instead the child only had a twisted ankle. It had received the injury when it tripped, which is what caused it to fall into the underground. It received no injuries from the fall.

If this is true and a person cannot be hurt when they fall… that means that my specimen received every injury she had before she fell… meaning something had tried to kill her.

I will be unable to visit the specimen for some time, with this new human here I cannot risk someone finding it. They would surely kill it as an act of kindness. There is still too much for me to learn from it.

~*~

Gaster had barely entered the room when the human appeared in front of him. She started signing quickly, asking various questions; where he had been, what had happened, was everything okay, was he okay? Worry showed clearly on her face. Gaster was taken a back, this was different. She generally kept calm unless he asked her something upsetting. He had been gone for some time, longer than usual without notice but still… Strange.

She seemed to realize how she was acting, she became flustered and her image flickered, jumping from one side of the room to the other in a moment. She took her normal place near the tank, hovering in a cross-legged sitting position, grasping her ankles. She tried to act as she normally did, but there was a red color to her cheeks.

Hmm, she can blush.

Wait… had she asked if  _he_  was okay? Had she been worried about him? He must have read her hands wrong. He was her tormenter, capturer, why would she worry about him?

“To answer your question. Everything is fine. I haven’t been able to come here though since I wanted to avoid attention to this chamber.” He pulled out his desk chair and sat, crossing his right leg over his left. He placed the recorder on the desk, not yet turning it on. Finally he picked up the clip board on the desk and pulled the pen from his front pocket, holding it loosely in his left hand. Now comfortable, he reached over and clicked the record button.

“I have some news.” He said slowly, watching her closely, “Another human has come to the underground.”

Her eyes went wide, “A human? Really?” The eyes narrowed, “Are you going… are they a new specimen for you?” Her hands seem to be quivering. Was she worried for them… or herself?

“Are you worried I may be replacing you?” He found the thought entertaining, that she might be jealous of the new human. He thought it ridiculous but when she refused to meet his gaze….

She  _was_  worried, he realized, she thought he was going to replace her. Even if he was planning to, it made no sense that it would upset her. Generally, a person in her position would be happy to not be the focus of the exams Gaster used to perform. Hm.

“No, they are not your replacement. I have no control of them. The human that fell was a child, who has been adopted into the royal family. They are living quite comfortably.” How would she take this news? Envy? Sadness? Anger? He waited. As his words reached her and she processed them, time felt slower though it was just the effect of the anticipation of her reaction. Finally, she sighed and seemed… relieved.

She looked at him and smiled, “I am glad the child is safe.”

He made a note of this reaction, his pen scratching at the paper. She was quite strange.

“Yes, well. It is due to this incident I had to avoid coming here. If you were discovered, the result would be…” He adjusted his glasses, “undesirable, to say the least.”

She nodded in agreement.

Strange, she didn’t want to be discovered? “Hmm, so you don’t want to be found? Saved?” He smirked, “Do you enjoy being my specimen?” He expected anger, her common reaction at being reminded of her fate.

This time though, she just shook her head, “I… if… if they found me here… if they knew… they would kill me… wouldn’t they?” she signed this slowly, unsure if she was using the right movements to express herself. While her skill had significantly increase as time had passed, there was still times where the more uncommon terms took time to remember.

Gaster leaned forward, resting his wrists against his leg, his pen rocking limply between his fingers, “Are you frightened of death?”

Hesitation… than a nod.

The puzzle he had not been aware had been building clicked together in Gaster’s mind.

That was why she never showed herself to Alphys, why she never tried to be seen by others, never asked for him to free her. Why she had been relieved not to be replaced. She didn’t  _want to die_ , and she understood Gaster was the only person in the whole underground that  _wouldn’t_ let her die… because she was his specimen. His project. Something to be studied… not saved.

Gaster wasn’t sure how to process this information.

She was watching him now, waiting. It was now her turn to wonder at how he would react. Roles reversed in that moment.

The thought made him give a small laugh, she looked hurt. He realized she thought he was laughing at her confession.

He sighed, rubbing his forehead. “Fear of death is not abnormal. It is just surprising to hear that you prefer your current state.”

“I already died… I don’t want to die again.”

Now this, this was news. “In what way do you mean? You were very near death when I found you and have stayed in that state since. You would not be here had you died.”

She shook her head, “I died when I fell. I know it. I remember the darkness… the emptiness.”

“You had many injuries, you could be confusing your unconscious state with the idea of death.”

She snapped at him, a soundless “No!” before remembering she could not speak. “No… I know I died. I came back though… a jolt from when I fell brought me back…” She signed, seeming very sure of herself.

So, she had died for a time before he had found her. He wondered at time, was it true? Her injuries had been horrible… Ah, right. He had another topic he wanted to bring up, related to this very thing.

“Think what you wish, but this reminds me… I wanted to tell you something interesting I noticed about the child.”

“Yes?”

“I checked the child over personally, since I have some knowledge into human anatomy.” She rolled her eyes at that. “I expected to see injuries equal to yours… but instead the only issue the child had was a twisted ankle. Received  _before_  their fall.”

“And? …oh.” His words sank in, she knew what he was going to ask.

“ _If_  the evidence is anything to go by, the fall isn’t able to harm, let alone  _kill¸_  those pass through it. While the child isn’t much to go by, there is also the fact that hundreds of monsters once passed through that same place, all surviving the fall.  _Meaning_  that your injuries, your current state of perpetual near-death… happened  _before_  you fell.” He waited, letting her process where he was going with this.

“…”

“Human, I have let this topic slide before…”

“Don’t.”

“No, I am very interested in this. Any fall through the barrier is a story worth hearing. You know I am tasked with breaking it and-“

“Gaster. Please.” She was clearly getting upset.

“ _Doctor_.” He gritted his teeth at the correction, “We had an agreement, but if you refuse to work with me…” It let the words hang in the air. He wasn’t sure if he meant them, but he was frustrated. There could be important information regarding the barrier in her story. Her image began to shimmer, clearly the topic was making her unstable.

He calmed himself, reminding himself not to press her too far, “Just… please. I must know.”

She was holding her tightly, clearly trying to stay stable. She flickered slightly, hopping from her place in the air to standing on the ground. It still unnerved him, not that he let it show, that she could appear anywhere in the room, that she didn’t actually have to move to it.

Standing there, she slowly released her hold. When she looked at him, her eyes were clouded with sorrow. “Fine.” She finally signed.

He let out the breath he had been holding, relieved, “Alright, so-“

“I have conditions.” She signed quickly, cutting him off.

“Conditions…” Really? Gaster was starting to think she was getting a little too comfortable with him. Perhaps he had been too lenient recently due to her continued cooperation? He would need to fix that in the future.

She nodded, her image shimmering again “Nothing big… I just… I need to rest and… One hour.”

“An hour. You want me to wait an hour for you to recover than you’ll tell me?”

Nod.

“Very well.”

With that she faded, and he sat there.

Waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have questions or want to see what the main characters look like? Check out the FAQ at http://beforehefell.tumblr.com/faq


	5. Her Fall...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ============CONTENT WARNING =========  
> PLEASE BE AWARE  
> THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SEXUAL AND PHYSICAL ASSAULT.  
> ============CONTENT WARNING =========

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Entry Numbers and WINGDINGS language is SUPPOSED TO BE IN WINGDINGS. Unfortunately, this site does not ALLOW WINGDINGS.  
> So, if you see anything in brackets such as [this]. It means its suppose to be WINGDINGS.

Gaster was used to waiting. Results took time to get. Sometimes, all he could  _do_  was wait. Days, weeks, months; he was always patiently waiting.

That didn’t mean he enjoyed it.

That was why he was always busy. Creating. Learning. Testing.

So, he sat there at his desk trying to keep busy. Reviewing notes. Drawing outlines. Changing the batteries in the recorder. The minutes ticked by, slowed by the active notice of them.

The pen in his left hand tapped impatiently as, once again, Gaster looked at his watch’s timer as it counted down the hour. Did an hour really make that much of a difference in her stability? He glanced at the tank, at the screens on its sides that displayed all her vitals. In that moment, the stability of her  _SOUL_  went up by one percent. Guess it did make a difference.

Or perhaps she was just thinking over a very detailed lie to tell him. It was something a human would do. Though… she hadn’t lied so far. As far as Gaster knew. He let out a disgruntled sigh, shifting his attention back to his notes.

He  _hated_  waiting.

~*~

Relief flooded him when the timer started going off. The hour was up.

He returned to his position for better observation and clicked the recorder back on, clipboard and pen in hand, waiting for her to appear.

She took her time but she did come into view after a few minutes, hovering gently in the air.

“I hope you are now well rested?”

She didn’t reply, just looked him over, “I guess you still want to hear the story then?” she signed reluctantly.

“It is not a guess when you know it as fact.” He tapped his pen against the clipboard and shifted his glasses, looking at her, “You aren’t saying you changed your mind, are you?”

“No…”

“Then begin, you’ve had your hour.”

“I have conditions remember?”

“I met your condition.”

“ _Conditions_ ” She signed again, emphasizing the plural, “I have more than just that one.”

“Hmm.”

“They aren’t difficult.”

Gaster again thought on how she seemed too comfortable with him, “State them, and we will see if they are agreeable.”

She watched him carefully, clearly trying to read him. “First, no questions. During or  _after.”_ She looked at him, expecting an outburst.

“Explain.”

“If I am going to tell you this, then you cannot interrupt me at any point. I will give every detail I can remember so you learn everything I know without issue. Interruptions will… not help.”

Gaster said nothing. She continued.

“Second, no recording or note taking.” He waited, knowing she would explain, “We both know you can re-call everything I am saying later. I do not want to think about that and I know you write down every word I ‘say’ to you since your recorder can not hear me. Just as you are doing now.”

He glanced at the pen in his hand and the notes on the clipboard. It was true, every word she had said was written down clearly in his own personal shorthand. Notes on her words, mannerisms, everything he saw her do was written. It was the only way to properly record their interactions.

“Anything else?”

She nodded, “Lastly… Never bring this up again. All I want to do is forget, as impossible as I know it is to do so. I never want to re-visit this topic. Ever.”

Gaster waited a moment then, “That is all?”

Again, she tried to read him, but got nothing. She nodded.

“Very well. Let us review. No questions. No notes. No returning to the topic. Correct?”

“Yes.”

“Here is my counter. I will take whatever notes I please. If I have questions, I will ask them. If the topic is worth re-visiting, I will do so.” He leaned back in his chair, “I do not make deals.” The topic was too important to just gloss over because of her “feelings”. Gaster was the one in control here, not her. He would not take orders from a test subject. A specimen.  _His property_.

“If you don’t agree to the terms, I will not tell you anything.”

“Excuse me?”

“This is not negotiable. You agree or I say nothing.”

“I think you have forgotten your place in this ‘relationship’ of ours. If you do not work with me as I wish, then our agreement is void.”

She remained unfazed by his declaration, amused even, “Fine. Prick me. Cut me. Turn me inside out. Even kill me! Do as you please. Nothing has stopped you doing so before. If you would rather torture me then agree to such simple terms; that is your choice. If it means I avoid re-calling anything, the better for me.”

Gaster was not an emotional person, she was clearly trying to provoke him into lashing out, so as to deter him from learning the truth; he was not a fool. This only made him more interested. She knew he would never kill her, but to taunt him like that. To actually try and  _get_  him to experiment on her out of spite… did she really not want to tell how she fell so badly?

The tapping of his pen against the clipboard was the only sound as he thought to himself. Finally, he flipped the clipboard over so it was face down in his lap, the pen resting still in his hand. “Very well, I agree.”

Her eyes went wide, “Really…?”

She had clashed with Gaster and lost. He held back a smirk, “Yes, they really are not difficult. As long as you cover all the facts, it will be fine.” As he finished talking he reached over and clicked off the recorder.

She was visibly shaken, clearly this was not the intended result she had hoped for. Her form blinked, no longer hovering and was now instead leaning against the tank behind her. Her hands shook as she raised them to speak, “Then I guess…” her shoulders fell, resigned to her fate, “I’ll guess I’ll start at the beginning.”

~*~

If I could describe my life if would be as pretty normal, I was an average high school student. I had my friends, my classes, okay grades… nothing really special about me. My parents are… were very loving, guess you never learn to appreciate that until it’s too late… I fought with them, of course, hated my chores and such but it was life and I enjoyed it. As with any teenager, I sometimes rebelled. Stupid things… staying up later than I should, ignoring instructions, not doing my homework when I should…. Stupid… Stupid things.

…

Being a girl, my biggest rebellion was dating guys my parents didn’t agree with. No one ever lasted long, I didn’t really enjoy dating; the pressure of it… but there was this one guy. Zach. He was a few years older than me, having been a senior when I was a freshman. Me being seventeen, he had been finished with school for some time, but most everyone knew him. I don’t know what he did for work, if he did work.

He spent time at this bar, it was kind of a local hang out for the high school students. So every so often I went there with friends, I enjoyed trying to get his attention… I doubt I was very subtle about it.

He and I… we never dated, if you were wondering. We spoke, but that was about it, I was just one of the many girls in the crowd that tried to catch his eye. He was the bad boy every girl wanted…. I never thought about the fact none of the guys he hung out with seemed to mind him getting all the attention, how girls like me wouldn’t pay them any mind and only looked at Zach…

…

My town lives in the shadow of Mt. Ebott. Growing up we hear all the legends and tales about the dangers of going up the mountain side, how monsters lived within… guess it was true. Anyway, it was a tradition to tell your kids not to go around the mountain and of course, once they were teenagers, they tried to climb it as an act of defiance or show of courage.

People sometimes disappeared, lost on the cliffs or in the forest around it, but they were found later, some dead… most alive.

My town has a curfew, anyone under age is to stay inside after ten p.m. for our “safety”. This clearly resulted in every teen in town trying to stay out past ten, myself included at times. I always got caught. Heh…

So… one day, I was at the bar with my friends when Zach came over and asked to talk to me. Privately. My friends were jealous and I was flustered, but I went with him. Why wouldn’t I? It was a dream come true.

Seems his buddies and he were having a party and he wanted me to come, the only catch was it was after curfew… and at the base of the mountain, that way there would be no noise complaints. It wasn’t the first I heard of parties being held there, it was common place but I had never been invited to them. If you weren’t invited, you had no idea where to go.

I was so excited, not only was Zach speaking to me he was inviting me to the biggest party in town! I wasn’t sure though, I had recently tried to stay out after curfew and had blown it big time. Cops had dragged me home and all, if I got caught again, I would be grounded for the rest of my life… I felt like such a child when I explained that to Zach.

He just laughed and said that if I was able to get out without getting caught, he’d pick me up personally. That way there would be no issues. How could I say no?

So, that night I played the good daughter. Went to “bed” and once my parents thought I was asleep, I slipped out of the house… I… I can’t remember if I said I loved them that day…

Zach showed up as promised, but he had others in the car with him, seems I wasn’t his only guest. I had thought it was a date. I tried not to show how upset I was, chatting with the others in the car. Soon enough we arrived to the location, the party already going at full blast. Music, dancing, drinking.

At first I tried to stay with Zach, since I didn’t really know anyone, there was only a handful of people from my high school. He was all over the place; drinking, flirting, dancing. Everyone wanted to be the one he paid attention to. I was part of the crowd again. Why had he invited me?

After a while, I gave up my attempts and tried to enjoy the party. I was offered drinks and food, but I passed on them, for a while at least. After, as time went on, I broke down and started drinking some soda, between dancing and enjoying myself. I let myself relax, moving past the failure with Zach. I was having fun…

I’m not sure when, but I started to get dizzy… the music made my head pound. I moved further from the party, into the woods for some quiet. Zach came looking for me, he had noticed me wandering off and reminded me it was dangerous and…

I don’t remember what else he said. I couldn’t focus. The world was spinning…

 

~*~

Her hands shook as she told the story. Stopping for a moment, she held her hands together, trying to calm herself, but he could see the tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

Gaster understood now why she had not wanted to be interrupted with questions. Telling the story was difficult for her, more so since she had to speak in signs. When speaking verbally, a person could quickly spew out information and move on.

With her, she had to focus on her words, her movements; the fact she was trying to give as much detail as possible to satisfy his curiosity made it even harder.

Once recovered enough, she continued.

~*~

I remember seeing forms walk up. Someone leading me somewhere, moving further from the light of the party. I was pushed, thrown onto some type of bedding. I heard clicks, flashes of light hurt my eyes in the darkness.

Hands grabbed at me, pulling at my shoes. I tried to push them off, but more hands reached out and held me down.

They talked, but the voices were so distorted, I didn’t know who was who or where the voices came from… except his, Zach’s. I heard him saying not to fight, he was going to give me what I wanted. I just had to behave. They called me a tease. Saying I taunted them while flaunting around for him. That they were going to teach me to have fun. I tried to explain what I was… that I had never had… but they ignored my pleas.

My clothes tore as they pulled at the fabric, as I struggled against the hands that held me down. I felt so weak from whatever drug they had slipped me. I could hear them laughing, enjoying my fear. Despite my best efforts, they forced my legs open and…

And…

I didn’t know you could feel that much pain at once.

I tried to scream, trying to bring attention to what they were doing. They couldn’t have taken me that far away.

Whoever was using me… they just punched me, choked me until I stopped screaming. Until I stopped struggling. Until I behaved….

They took turns… they didn’t care about hurting me, didn’t care I felt no pleasure. They scratched at me, bit me, hit me more… anything they wanted to make it better for themselves. The later ones even complained about sloppy seconds…

After a while, they stopped. Leaving me laying there. I heard them talking, but I have no idea about what. All I could think about was rolling into a ball and crying, hoping it was all a bad dream. Hoping I’d wake up in my bed.

Someone walked up to me, talking. It was Zach. He was talking, saying things I didn’t understand. All I could hear was the blood rushing in my head. Something about pictures? Not talking? He was blackmailing me. I don’t know what his plan was, but he seemed to know what he was doing.

He left me alone again. The drugs were starting to fade. I began to make sense of my surroundings. The group of them were off talking still, laughing a small distance from where they had left me. I found my clothes nearby. It was ridiculous, but I struggled to move and put them on. I succeeded with my shirt and pants. It felt somewhat better to not be naked… but I knew it wasn’t over. They weren’t done with me.

I couldn’t stay there. Despite my pain, I started walking. Away from them. I headed towards what I hoped was the party, hoping to find help. I could control myself, but not well. I ran into something, knocking it over. The sound was so loud, I heard them start heading towards me. I started running, as best as one could in my condition.

~*~

Again she stopped. She was shaking violently, but she kept herself stable. She took a moment to organize herself.

Gaster was… appalled.

He had heard of how cruel humans could be, he had been raised on the stories of how they had treated monsters… but he had never considered they could be cruel to  _each other and enjoy doing so._  Monsters got angry at each other all the time, but too willingly hurt another was… unthinkable.

For all his work, Gaster didn’t  _enjoy_  it when he had to hurt someone.

Pain in his right hand caught his attention, he realized his hand was grasping the arm of his office chair tightly, the strain of it was starting to hurt. He was… angry… and she wasn’t done.

He looked past the human, looking at the tank behind her. The tinted glass that hid the  _dying_ body within. The injuries she described… they didn’t cover most of what he had seen when he had first found her. There was worse to come in her story.

Her hands began to move again.

Gaster shifted himself, relaxing his right hand. Calming himself, forgetting about the object in his left, he returned his attention to her.

~*~

The twigs and rocks bit into my bare feet and the branches of trees pulled at my skin and clothes, but the pain was weak in comparison to what I had just dealt with. It even helped some, keeping me aware, helping me fight the drug. I could hear them behind me, the trees and bushes slowing them enough that I could  _stay just ahead._

The land began to slope upwards, I quickly understood that I had headed towards the mountain and was now moving further up it. I had no choice but to keep heading forward. If I stopped even for a  _momen_ t they would catch me. I had no plan other than to stay away from them. Knowing that whatever they had planned for me was worse than anything that could happen on the mountain.

So I kept climbing, even while my body screamed.

Eventually the little luck I had ran out and I ran into a wall of rock. I tried followed it, get around, but it had stopped me long enough for them to catch up. It was just two of them. The moment they saw they had me they lashed out; first yelling at me and pushing me against the rock wall, then when I tried to push them away; they punched me in the stomach. I collapsed, air rushing from my lungs.

They took the opportunity and started kicking me, blaming me for ruining their night. I think one of them was wearing steel-toed boots. They kicked me and stomped on me, they didn’t care where. Head, chest, arms. I felt my bones snap inside me, my brain bounce in my skull, my fingers bend under a heel. They ignored my cries and just kept going. I was sure they were going to kill me.

Zach’s voice telling them to stop was all it took, they ceased their assault. He joined them in looming over me, then reached down and grabbed my arm. He disregarded my cry of pain as he pulled me up, not caring my arm was broken or that all my weight went on my broken leg. He started talking, saying I didn’t have to be so difficult, it could have been so easy if I had just _behaved_.

He kept going on and on, like  _I still cared_  what he thought of me.

I could feel myself dying, my chest was heavy and breathing hurt.

Finally, he stopped, asking if I understood. That he would help me if I worked with him.

We stared at each other for a few moments and then, though it really, really hurt, I swung my leg up and kicked Zach right between the legs. I wonder who hurt more in that moment. I hope it was him.

The shock of what I had done stunned the other two, and while Zach collapsed, I started inching along the wall. Limping as fast as I could. I don’t know what I was thinking, I knew I wouldn’t get away, but some voice in me was saying to  _keep moving_. The wall ended and I found myself at the mouth of a cave.

I went in, hoping maybe to lose them, but only a few feet in I found myself at the edge of a large chasm. I heard Zach and the others come in behind me.

He was pissed, he started going off. Saying I was worthless, that I should be happy he paid any attention to me. He pulled something from his pocket, a spark of electricity lit the cave for a moment. He had a taser. He started moving towards me, ignoring the comments of his friends saying they felt uneasy in the cave, that they should just leave me. I tried to tell him to stop, inching away from him as he drew closer. I could feel the emptiness behind me as he drew closer, the pebbles my heels kicked up falling into the depths as I backed up to its edge. He had to see the hole… right?

Finally, he closed the gap between us. I told him I was sorry. That I’d do whatever he wanted.  _I begged him to not kill me_. It all went ignored.

_He had made his decision._

Time seemed to slow. His hand lifted and I felt the point of the taser on my chest, heard the click of the switch as he hit it, and the zap of electricity as it went on, the pain of burning skin on my chest, and finally, the feeling of my heart  _stopping_. He gave the slightest push with the taser as it rested against my chest. I fell backwards, my eyes starting to cloud over, and the last thing I saw as the black clouds filled my world… was Zach watching me fall.

~*~

A sharp snap startled Gaster from his focus, causing him to look at his left hand.  His pen rested in two pieces in his grasp, which was now covered in black ink. His grip had tightened enough around the object to split it.

Pulling a handkerchief from his pocket, he wiped the hand off while he returned his view to her. She explained again the feeling of death, the dark and emptiness of it.

Suddenly, as her body fell, a jolt rocked through her, and she was alive again. One moment she had been in the void and the next she was alive again, her heart pulsing inside her again, though barely. The barrier perhaps? She was on the cavern floor, unable to move, the pain too overwhelming. She was unsure how long she laid there, fighting off death, but eventually she heard voices, getting  _louder._

_Closer._

She thought… just maybe…  _help had found her…_

~*~

She stopped signing, her whole body shaking. She didn’t need to continue, Gaster knew the story from there.

So, she just stood there holding her hands against her chest, facing the ground. Her hair falling around her face to hide it. Her form seemed to have changed and he realized she looked as she did when he had found her, broken and battered. Dying. Her soul had reverted her appearance back to that moment she had lost everything.

Gaster just stared, contemplating her story. She had done what she promised. He had no questions. Everything was explained…

There had been no point to it.  _There had been_   _nothing worth learning._

She had been dead during her entire interaction with the barrier.

He gripped his forehead, not knowing how to deal with this. He didn’t know how to feel. Any other time,  _with anyone else…_

He stared at her, through the gaps of his fingers, as she stood there shaking. Guilt crawling down his spine. She had not wanted to tell this story, but he had pushed her anyway.

He stood, leaving the clipboard in the chair, and walked up to her. Standing over her, Gaster couldn’t help but think how  _small_  she was. So short compared to him, it was strange, he was so used to her hovering above him. It felt  _wrong_  to see the human that always acted so proud, _suddenly so broken._

Gaster felt sick, looking at her. Her, who was completely unaware that he was there.

Gaster isn’t …

He had to control his emotions. He had to be calculating. He had to make decisions that would give the best results, even if they seemed cruel in the eyes of others. Science doesn’t have emotions… science… science is  _cold._ So, he was supposed to be too.

But… how could he be? Looking at this broken form in front of him, it didn’t matter if she was human or monster. This wasn’t science. He couldn’t look at her and not feel anything.

He reached up, his hand shaking, and went to set it on her head. The motion was automatic, just something someone would do to comfort another. He didn’t think about the fact that it would just phase through her, that he had  _no way_ to actually comfort her.

So, as his hand fell, he didn’t register it. Not right away.

It didn’t click that his hand made contact. That he was feeling hair against his palm as he gently petted her head, trying to ease her pain.

It wasn’t until she leaned forward and buried her face in his chest, gripping his sweater tightly in her hands as she sobbed.

As he felt her shaking and sobbing against him, his hand on her head. It finally clicked.

She was corporeal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have questions or want to see what the main characters look like? Check out the FAQ at http://beforehefell.tumblr.com/faq


	6. Reluctance to Work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Entry Numbers and WINGDINGS language is SUPPOSED TO BE IN WINGDINGS. Unfortunately, this site does not ALLOW WINGDINGS.  
> So, if you see anything in brackets such as [this]. It means its suppose to be WINGDINGS.

Gaster was stone still, his hand still resting on her head, not wanting to startle her. The grip of her hands on his sweater, the shaking of her body, her breaths… he could feel it all as she leaned against him. As he came to understand what was happening, he looked her over.

Her appearance had shifted somewhat, not as broken as before. Gently, Gaster slid his hand down the side of her head, as he did so her appearance shifted more, becoming cleaner. Among his amazement at the situation he also felt some happiness that his touch was a comfort to her. Though, she showed no sign of understanding what was happening, still too lost in her sorrow to comprehend it.

Slowly, he moved his hand under her chin and lifted gently. Her head moved with his touch, it shifted her hair so he could finally see her face, one eye showing through her locks. It was glossy, blurred by her tears, but so bright. Like ceiling stars… Gaster ran a bony thumb over her cheek, wiping a tear away. She had no warmth to her, but she was here, corporeal.

“Do you understand what is happening?” Gaster finally asked, breaking the silence.

She blinked, and the gloss disappeared. Slowly, the eye widened as it dawned on her. An audible gasped filled the dead silent chamber.

It echoed in Gaster’s mind.  _She could speak._

He felt the pull on his chest disappear instantly, his hand phased through her, the weight of her gone.

Her image blinked, moving further back from him, her hands covering her face in shock. For one moment, they stared each other down, then she shimmered and was gone.

All that remained was Gaster, still standing there with his hand hovering in the air where she had been.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

The specimen has not appeared in some time. Perhaps it chooses not to or it is unable to. It doesn’t matter. I… I am uncertain on how to proceed with the information. As fascinating as it is  ~~to know it~~ to know  _she_  can create a physical form that can interact with the world around her. I know she will have no idea how she achieved it.

I could try to recreate the events that caused the human to become corporal but… it would be too cr-

I agreed never to bring up the events of her fall.

…

~*~

The observation room was small, a simple glass lined room that overlooked the center of the Core, where its main processes occupied. Two doors attached to the room, one into the main hall that weaved through the building of the core while the other led into a stairwell that led down into the center. Unless they wore protective gear, anyone who used that door would die not long after entering. Either from the heat, the deadly magic, or the radiation.

Gaster leaned against the small railing that lined the wall alongside the glass, staring at the swirling magic mist on the other side and listening to the hum of the Core as it worked.

Holding the cigarette between his fingers he lifted it and took a long drag. The smoking drifted up from his ribcage, leaving a faint tingle behind. He wasn’t sure why he smoked sometimes, but it had a calming effect that he enjoyed.

The room was silent aside from the hum that filled it, as Gaster’s thoughts replayed the recent events in his mind. The human and her story.

Taking another drag, Gaster absently spoke aloud, though no one was present to hear it.

“Does she look at me… and see that human… that… Zach?”

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

I am… worried. Heh. The human has still not appeared, unresponsive to anything I say.

The  _SOUL_ ’s stability was low for some time, lower than is average in the high twentieth percentiles, so it is understandable that she would not appear during that time frame. Clearly the events of our last session had a large strain on her.

In the passing weeks though, it has since returned to its standard rate of stability.

I am beginning to think she may be actively staying hidden, invisible to my sight. I… hope this is the reason, because if she cannot appear by choice anymore, then my pressing her is to blame.

…

Either way… our agreement is void since she does not appear…. There are several things I wished to test and… Alphys had a theory she wanted to cover…

…

_Sigh_

I am… reluctant to move forward…

…

I will allow her more time to rest.

~*~

Over the course of the past few weeks since their conversation, Gaster had made it routine to stop by the tank chamber at least once a day; simply to see if the human would appear. It had clearly taken a toll on the human’s soul, becoming corporeal. So, when he entered the room as he always did, he only had the slightest expectation that she would appear.

He did his best to hide his relief when she actually did so.

“Please don’t be mad!” Was the first thing she signed after appearing.

“I’m not.” Gaster shook his head, he really wasn’t. “You clearly used a large portion of magic without meaning to. It is not a surprise you were tired. Strong magic can be a burden on a SOUL, I am not a stranger to the fatigue it can cause.

Clearly she was relieved, “Right! It was like there was a weight on me. I haven’t felt that tired in…” She stopped signing, a confused expression on her face. “Did you… say magic?”

“Yes. Clearly your magic has multiple levels. You reached a higher level very suddenly, it is no surprise at all that it would have side effects on such a frailSOUL.” Why did she seem so confused by this?

The human stared him down, as if trying to understand what he had said. “Magic… is real?”

“What do you mean? Of course-“ He stopped, realizing his mistake. He had always known and understood where her power came from, as it did with any monster. Magic is common place in the underground, but for humans it was supposed to be rare; he had just assumed that she knew. “Were… you not aware of how you are able to be here? How did you think you were able to interact with me?”

“I… I just assumed… I don’t know. My life has become one crazy thing after another! Why would I question the fact I could suddenly become a ghost!”

Gaster gave sharp laugh at that, a genuine laugh. The human looked at him surprised, having never heard him laugh before. “You just assumed. You never questioned it. Incredible.” He laughed again, rubbing his temple. After the stress of worrying about if he had broken her, this was very entertaining.

“Hey!” She signed quickly, “You never said anything about me using magic before! You made your own assumptions that I knew! I’ve just been…” She struggled for the proper signs. “Winging it?” She spelled it out, not knowing the correct gesture.

As was typical for them, Gaster did the gesture to teach her before answering. “Yes, perhaps you are right.” He said, sitting down. “I assumed magic, while rare for humans, was at least common knowledge for your kind. I presume this is incorrect.”

She stopped practicing the gesture, and nodded. “As far as I know… magic doesn’t exist for humans.”

“Really…” That was interesting, that humans had lost their magic or at least hid it from the public.

“So… you can use magic?” She asked.

“Hmm? Ah, yes. I’ve never used it in front of you, have I?” He brought his magic hands into focus, moved them around for a bit and let the magic go. “I generally use them to speak and keep my hands free for work, but since you understand me I have not needed them…” He tapped his chin thoughtfully, not focusing on her question entirely. His mind drifted back to their last session, how she had become corporeal. He had figured she would not understand how she had done so, but perhaps it was just a lack of understanding in her magic itself.

She was watching him carefully.

“So,” He started, “You have no knowledge of magic at all. You’ve just been figuring it out as you go. Trial and error.”

She nodded.

“So, you have no idea how you-“ He stopped, remembering his agreement of their last session. It would be difficult to talk about what had happened without referring to her fall. He could ignore the agreement, but Gaster was a man of his word so he wouldn’t.

She shook her head, despite his sentence cutting off. “No idea…” She at least understood what he was referring to.

“Hmm.” Neither spoke for a few minutes, then Gaster stood. “While I cannot do so today… I will take some time to instruct you in proper magic education. You may… be able to do more than you think.”

“You’re going to teach me?”

He nodded, “I am very interested in the range of your abilities. Sadly, I can’t give you a simple paper to study in regards to this topic.”

She gave a laugh, “I suppose not.”

He headed towards to the door. “I’ll return tomorrow at the usual time. I expect you to be here.”

“Yes, sir.” She replied.

It wasn’t until he walked out of the lab and the door clicked shut behind him that he realized, he had not recorded or taken a single note.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

Our topics of conversation are beginning to wane, over the months since she first appeared. Given her age and upbringing, even while attending school, her knowledge of the human world is very limited. There is little she can provide me at this point, though she does try.

While we do cover the basics of magic, there is little else to cover anymore. I find it difficult to bring up the topic of when she became corporeal, since I know there is little she will understand regarding it. Instead I simply have her try to focus and interact with things.

She clearly understands why, but seems thankful that I do not bring it up.

So, while her stability does seem to improve under proper magical education, there has been little progress elsewhere.

…

We have reached a type of standstill, where we interact solely for the purpose of the agreement. While I understand this quite well, I do have several… things I wish to test, unable to do so due to the agreement.

I intend to speak to her about this.

In time.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

As I have stated before, I at times use the tank chamber as a secondary office.

I have not done so in some time, since I am often speaking with the human. As our conversations began to lack newer content to discuss, I have begun to use the chamber again for other projects. Even with the human present I still prefer to work in the chamber due to its solitude, it helps that she cannot make noise.

I am beginning to think she enjoys the company.

As I work, she watches and tries to understand what I am working on. I find her attempts to comprehend my work entertaining.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

Today she informed me that she knew some science and wanted to try and help. I found this very hard to believe, but she was very insistent, claiming her grades in science were very good. I decided to hear her out, curious what humans taught their children about science.

…

I am beginning to think that humans have de-evolved since the war. I cannot fathom how a clock powered by a potato is considered a “proper” example of science.

…

I must properly educate the human.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

Despite my best efforts, it is clear that the human is not meant to work in the field of science. She can grasp basic concepts, but that is as far as she can understand.

I don’t deter her curiosity though and at times choose to involve her in my work. Instructing her where I can.

Even though she doesn’t understand everything I do, she still enjoys the involvement and can at times make suggestions that I had never considered. Humans seem to think in a very different way, or is it just her?

“I’m serious!” The human signed, her face stern.

Gaster coughed into a fist, trying to hold back a laugh, “So you say… you really believe you saw…” He shook his head, “What was it again?”

“I… I’m not sure what it was. It was super small, I just barely caught sight of it before it went under the bench!”

“You said you weren’t visible, why would it run?” Gaster asked, leaning down and looking under the work bench, nothing was there, “It’s impossible for anything to be down here anyway, no rodent could chew through the walls.”

“It wasn’t a rodent! I know what a mouse looks like. I swear there was something here.”

“If it wasn’t a rodent, what was it?”

“I…” She became flustered, running her fingers through her pixie cut hair. She sighed, before signing, “I know you won’t believe me but… it looked like a little black egg… and it… kind of… just a little bit… looked like you…”

Gaster arched an eyebrow, “An egg… that could move… that looked like me…” He walked over to the vital screens on the tank, flipping through the information.

She drifted over to him so he could see her sign, “What are you doing?”

“I’m checking to make sure there are no malfunctions.”

“Why?”

He stepped back and adjusted his glasses, “Clearly you are hallucinating.” He smirked.

She scoffed, “I knew I shouldn’t have said anything!” She signed, but she was grinning.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

I’ve begun to provide the human with reading material. While not ideal, it gives her something else to do while I am heavily involved in my work when in the chamber. While I do not mind as much as I used to about her being involved in my work, there are times I do not want to be disturbed, thus the reason I use the chamber in the first place. When she needs to turn the page, she waits until she can get my attention without disturbing my work and I turn it for her.

My personal collection is lacking in interesting works of fiction, but she seems to enjoy whatever I provide.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████ ]_

Note: Core sounds.

Alphys approached me today, bringing up once again her idea for the human. An experiment. I could see she was eager to test her theory. Even with her reluctance to work on the human, there were still times where her feelings are outweighed by her enjoyment of science. A trait that I had hoped to help flourish so she could reach her full potential.

I agreed to speak to her on the matter soon.

The sound of a cigarette being used.

It is time I speak to the human.

~*~

Gaster had been in the chamber for some time, sitting at his desk reviewing his notes and such while the human hovered beside him in a cross-legged position reading a book on the desk. As he stared at his work though, he could feel her gaze on him instead. After the amount of time they had spent together, he was acutely aware of her. He turned to her, their eyes met. She smiled.

Recently, she smiled very often .

“Do you need the page turned?” She was a fast reader. Gaster was starting to contemplate creating a device that would turn the pages for her.

“No. I wanted to ask you something.” She signed.

“Oh, what would that be?” It seemed as if she was asking him more questions recently than he asked of her. Somehow, over time, their relationship had changed from that of researcher and subject, to that of teacher and student. He was always instructing her, be it in magic, science, or some other topic she held interest in.

“What is bothering you?”

“Bothering me? What makes you think something is bothering me?” He asked with a chuckle.

“Well… it’s your tapping.”

“My… tapping?” Had he read her hands right? “What tapping?”

She pointed at his left hand, which held a pen, “Your pen tapping. It’s… different. Irate, like something is on your mind and you cannot focus on your work.”

He blinked, breaking down what she had just said… “You… you can read how I am feeling from the way I tap my pen…?”

Her cheeks flushed, “I guess… it’s just… you tap your pen in different ways. Sometimes it’s calm, steady, like when you ask me questions. Other times it has a slight beat to it, like when you are focused on what you are working on… It… it varies but it’s also repetitive enough that…” she stopped trying to explain, clearly flustered.

Gaster had not been aware he had such an obvious tic. He knew he tapped his pen often but had not been aware it was a way to read him. Looking at her, he studied her face. Grasping the fact she was learning to read him. She was becoming such a common thing in his life, part of his routine he had never considered the fact that he was also part of her life.

Her whole life actually.

For him, their interactions ended when he left the chamber. He spent time with many others, living a full life.

For her on the other hand, he was all she had. When he left, all she could do is wait for him to return when he left… was it really so surprising that she was able to read him by the taps of a pen?

It was… unnerving. Gaster could not remember anyone ever knowing him that well.

He stared at the pen in his hand. Thinking on what she had said, that he seemed bothered and wasn’t focusing. It was true. He had not been able to focus on his work, despite trying. His thoughts kept drifting to Alphys’ request. He had been trying to think of a way to bring it up.

“Sorry.” She signed and returned to the book.

“No, don’t be.” She looked back at him, “You are… you are right. Something is bothering me.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

He gave a weak laugh at the irony of her question, “Yes, actually.” He sighed, “It’s about our agreement.”

She studied him, processing his words. “Our… agreement… oh.”

She understood, somewhat. Gaster started going over what he would say, how could he convince her to be okay with being a test subject again? Not that she had ever stopped being one, but still… How could this go over well?

Her hands moved. He had missed it. “I’m sorry, what did you say?” he asked, somewhat embarrassed by how unfocused he was.

“I said, you want to start your testing again… don’t you?”

He was taken aback by how direct she was, “Uh.” He cleared his throat, “Yes. I know that-“

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

She smiled. A gentle, understanding smile. “Okay, you can start your tests back up. I don’t mind.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have questions or want to see what the main characters look like? Check out the FAQ at http://beforehefell.tumblr.com/faq


	7. She's just a Specimen...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Entry Numbers and WINGDINGS language is SUPPOSED TO BE IN WINGDINGS. Unfortunately, this site does not ALLOW WINGDINGS.  
> So, if you see anything in brackets such as [this]. It means its suppose to be WINGDINGS.

A heavy silence filled the lab, as her words sank in. Gaster processed her movements again, their meaning. His eyes narrowed slightly as he saw her hands shaking, just slightly. Fear.

He shook his head, he had expected yelling, crying, begging, even her disappearing for weeks again. For all he had tried to prepare himself for, fool hearted bravery was not on that list.

“You say that, but you’re clearly frightened. You don’t mean it.”

She shook her head, “I do. I’m scared out of my wits, but I mean it.”

He stood, standing over her as she was hovering low enough to read the book on the desk. She kept eye contact, staring up at him, “So, you are  _fine_ with my exams to start again. My experiments?” He shifted his glasses, “Why?”

A soundless laugh, clearly forced, “I’m not stupid!” She signed.

“I never implied you were stupid. I learned you were far from simple a long time ago.” A blush came to her cheeks, Gaster realized he had unintentionally complimented her. It was starting to disturb him how comfortable he was with her. He was well aware of the fact his view of her had shifted overtime, how he could no longer see her as  _just_  a specimen. This was not a good thing.

He sighed, “Do you understand what you are agreeing to?” Once the tests started, even if Gaster wanted to, he couldn’t apply any pain killers, they would affect the results and it would be suspicious if he tried, if he worked with Alphys on her theory.

And he knew, he admitted to himself, he knew he would want to.

“Yes.” She signed, breaking him from his confused thoughts, “I’ve expected this for a while.”

“Have you now?”

“Yes… I am actually surprised you took so long to bring it up. We… we haven’t really covered anything in sometime. It has just been us spending time together, like… friends.” Her eyes shifted, “It was kind of you to allow me a respite before bringing this up. I know I’ve been on borrowed time… I know I’m just a… specimen. Just something to be studied…”

“No!” Gaster snapped, slamming his hand on the desk. Both of them were startled by his reaction, “I, I mean…” What did he mean? He pressed his hand to his forehead. Gaster… he was too compromised, he couldn’t work while seeing her as more than she was.

He had to be able to work or else… what was the point? The only reason she was here in the first place was to be  _studied._

His head pounded, his thoughts were swirling. He needed to think,  _away from her._

He turned and left the chamber without saying a word.

~*~

Gaster took time off from work, returning to his apartment in the Capital. He had to think. His interactions with the human have become too comfortable. He kept returning to the way she had phrased it, saying they had been acting like friends. It was true, he had begun to see her as a person to spend time with, not a thing to spend time studying. His entries had become lack luster, nothing worth actually reviewing in them.

He needed to distance himself, she was a specimen. He could not look at her as a living person, science always suffered when you started caring for the test subject’s welfare… and that was what was happening. He had started to care about her feelings, about how a test would affect  _her_  rather than what the results would be. This had to stop… for she wasn’t living… not really.

As interesting as it was to learn about humans from an actual human, to try and understand how her _SOUL_  allowed her to create a form for itself to interact with the world, to hear her ideas for his projects… it had been better when she couldn’t interact. When they hadn’t spoken. When she was just a body to study. When he didn’t know if she felt every cut. When all he thought about was the results.

He needed to distance himself. Return to when he saw her as only a test subject. When she was something to be studied. To when he didn’t  _care._

~*~

Gaster used as many days off as he could. He spent time among his kind, the monsters of the underground. Interacting with old colleagues. Reading at the library. Reviewing his old projects. He reminded himself why he worked where he did. The things he and his co-workers had created to better life in the underground. In the world  _humans_  had trapped them in.

Rumors were starting to spread of over-population in the capital, one of the few places monsters could safely live in the underground due to its stability. Monsters had slowly begun to move back out to the reaches of the underground. It was dangerous for some to do this, some places too hot or too cold to survive in.

Those who lived in the more rustic parts of the underground did so to avoid the large populations.

As always, whispers of if the barrier would ever be broken were everywhere.

Gaster’s studies into the barrier always yielded the same results, he could see no way to break it. Human magic was too strong. His thoughts returned to the human, how strong her  _SOUL_  was despite its frail state. How much he could learn from it if it was strong. Even as weak as it was, there was much he could still learn,  _if he just ran some tests_.

He read about the war, about the humans that had trapped them. How  _they_ had started the slaughter of thousands of monsters, how humans shouldn’t be trusted. Over and over he studied the history of what they had done to his kind. Reminding himself again and again just how humans were.

Could he really have been interacting with a real human? She seemed kind, a trait that humans didn’t seem to have. Was she an oddity on the surface? Did it matter though? She could never leave the tank, she was the living dead.

How she acted didn’t matter. How he saw her didn’t matter. How he felt didn’t matter.

The only thing  _that mattered_ was that she may be able to provide the key to breaking the barrier.

_To saving monsters._

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████]_

_Humans_ are the ones who trapped my kind, monsters, down here. At what point did I begin to forget that? They threw us in a hole to die, claiming the lands we once shared as their own.

She is, no matter her attitude, she is still a human… and I have learned all I can regarding her current state.  
  
Her  _SOUL_  may have the needed information to save my kind…

I can no longer postpone my research.

She…  _It_  is something to be studied. That is its purpose. The only reason it still lives.

~*~

The lights flickered on as Gaster entered the chamber. The human appeared, relief clear on her face.

“You’ve been gone for weeks. Is everything okay?”

Gaster said nothing, only looked her over. She started to sign again, but stopped, becoming uneasy at his gaze. It seemed wrong, different than how he normally looked at her… but familiar at the same time. Finally, it sank in, the look in his eyes… it was the same look he used to have when they first started talking, when he didn’t see her as a living thing, only an object to be studied.

An empty, calculating gaze.

“ _Specimen.”_  She flinched at his cold tone and the use of the title; having not heard it for some time, “Tomorrow Alphys and I will begin some routine tests, to review your state before beginning more in-depth studies… You are not to show yourself to her at any time, is that understood?”

“Gaster, are you-“

“Understood?”

“I…” Her shoulders fell, “Yes, Doctor.” The sign hung heavy in the silence, his title having been unused for so long.

He turned to leave, but stopped, speaking with his back towards her, “I have wasted enough on our frivolous activities. From now on, you appear only when I request it and only speak when I ask you a question.”

She said nothing, since he would not see the movements.

A moment later he was gone, the sharp click of the door sliding shut filling the room as the final word between the two.

~*~

As the lights flickered off in the room a few minutes later, the human still remained visible, staring at the door.

She was waiting.

Waiting for him to come back. The  _real_ him, the one behind the mask he had put on. The one who had become a companion in a very small world. The monster she had wanted to call a friend.

She hadn’t wanted this… she had understood the why, but had never thought it would end like this…

After everything they had been through…. How kind he had been…. He had to come back….

But he didn’t.

Her body began to shake, tears slid down her cheeks.

She stared at her hands, wanting to  _run_.

Knowing she  _couldn’t_.

Imagining what was to come, the pain that was to return…

She wrapped her arms around herself, holding tightly, her left hand resting on her head. Remembering the feel of his touch, the comfort of it. The hope it had brought her in her sleep…

Soundless sobs filled the room, and slowly, she faded from view.

Resigned to her fate.

_[_ _SOUL STUDIES 01]_

The specimen is in stable condition,  _SOUL_ ’s stability is at a steady balance of 36% to 38%. As long as she it is not overstressed there should have no difficulty in carrying forward on Dr. Alphys’ experiment. As long as her stability does not drop below 10%, the tank should have no issues sustaining the specimen as usual during testing.

_[SOUL STUDIES 08]_

Dr. Alphys seems more at ease with this method of experimentation, since unless a person is looking for the side effects on the human’s  _SOUL_  they would not know it was being torn apart. Not being able to physically see something makes it easier to accept.

As her mentor I should teach her to not act so blind, but for this I will let it slide. What she has done is too important.

Dr. Alphys has created a way to extract a portion of the human  _SOUL_  and contain it. A way to study the  _SOUL_  without actually risking it.

Using this method, we  _fragment_  the soul so while the core of it remains in the body and will regenerate over time as it always has, we can study the fragment without worry of destroying it and losing a valuable specimen.

I am amazed at how she came about this idea. It is ironic, she came up with it while watching one of the human cartoons she collects. That a human _creation_  would in turn inspire a way to  _harness_  human power.

It’s almost  _laughable._

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████]_

The specimen did not appear when asked. I thought at first it was doing so to spite me, but I remembered that its current  _SOUL_ ’s stability is much lower than is common for it, in the 15%-20% range. So, she it is much weaker than normal. It is unconscious it seems.

…

Pity, I wanted to learn what side effects it felt from the  _SOUL_  fragmenting.

_[SOUL STUDIES 18]_

Alphys’s containment unit for the  _SOUL_ fragment is well designed, she states that she used a similar design to my suspension tank, with the way it provides the proper requirements to sustain the  _SOUL_  outside of the body to allow testing.

It seems to be working very well in sustaining the soul fragment for proper study, we are learning much.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████]_

The specimen finally appeared today, some weeks after the fragment was taken, its  _SOUL_  stability is around 31%. It showed difficulty in moving and sustaining its form, being in one area and then manifesting in a new spot without meaning to.

It is barely able to speak, both due to its difficulty with motion as well as…

She  _It_  has regressed to basic signs, its weakened state seems to make it so it cannot recall more advanced movements.

While it faded not long after appearing, I was able to learn two things; it is not in pain and it feels very  _weak_.

_[_ _SOUL STUDIES 27]_

The fragment shattered today, in the middle of testing. It seems that a fragment will not last long, despite Alphys’s efforts. 

A new one will need to be retrieved once the specimen becomes more _stable._

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████]_

We will be retrieving a new fragment shortly, but before, while it is still stable around 36%, I spoke with the specimen before Alphys joined me.

A clear side effect of the testing can be seen when it appears, its appearance is worn and tired, its eyes unfocused.

We spoke for a bit, its mind much more stable now and able to communicate better. 

According to it, it sleeps constantly, virtually unaware of its surroundings much like it after it  _fell_ , before learning to manifest outside the tank; when aware, it feels like its mind is in a heavy fog. Weak and unable to focus or think clearly.

When I said we were going to be taking a new fragment, I expected to see fear. Instead it just nodded and signed that it understood.

…

Her hands were shaking as they signed.

_[SOUL STUDIES 38]_

Continued testing on the new fragment has started to yield promising results, with more time we will start to grasp some understanding of a human’s power.

~*~

The pen scratched rhythmically at the paper, as Gaster entered the data from the vital screens on the tank. The room was empty aside from him. Since with Alphys’s lack of interest in the human’s body there was little reason to reinstate her access to the chamber since Gaster would be present for any fragment collecting. 

With the human’s stability being in the mid-twentieth percentiles, she would not be present either.

So, when movement caught in the corner of his vision Gaster was genuinely surprised. He turned, to see the source and blanched.

It was the human, standing at his side, but her appearance was horrifying. He had seen her revert to her fallen form once before, when her sorrow of remembering her fall had overwhelmed her, but  _this_  was worse. 

Her form had reverted to her fallen state and further… like it had begun to _decay_. Hollow cheeks, pale skin, haze filled eyes. Her hair matted, clothes torn.

Gaster was speechless.

Her hands shook as she moved, “Hello… doctor…” She gave a weak smile but stopped, realizing something. “Sorry…” she signed, letting her hands fall.

Why was she apologizing? He wondered, then remembered his rule about her only speaking when spoken to. He didn’t comment on it. 

He swallowed, doing his best to hide the effect of her form on him, “Why are you here? Your stability… it is  _much_  too low for you to be here.” He didn’t expect much as a response; after the last time she had tried to speak at such a low percent, he knew she would have difficulty remembering proper signs.

She took a moment, blinking and then gave a weak smile. Why did she keep doing that? What reason was there to smile? “I… your lessons… better control of myself…” She stared for a moment, gathering her thoughts, “I can… focus on where my energy… goes…”

He waited, seeing if she would say more, but she did not. Was this energy redirection why her appearance was so degraded? He watched her and her form shimmered for a moment but she stayed visible. Though there was a clear strain on her from the effort.

“I see… why would you do that?”

She gave a weak laugh. Again he was confused,  _why did she laugh_? “You… you wanted to ask questions… right?” She signed. “Learn… effects?” She stopped, her eyes glossing further. Confusion etched on her face.

Gaster felt cold. She was forcing herself… to try and help  _his_ research.

“I… see…” He replied.

She blinked, the haze gone from her eyes. She nodded, “So… questions?”

“You didn’t need to do this…” Gaster said, his voice low.

She tilted her head, “I don’t mind… if it helps you. Your… research is important. I don’t mind… looking so bad… who will see me… anyway…” Another laugh. “And I can handle… feeling so heavy…”

So she knew how her appearance was effected and it… it weakened her… that’s why she wasn’t hovering, just being here was a huge strain… The clipboard shook… no… it was his hands that were shaking. He steadied himself before she could notice.

“I see. Well, I have no questions at this time. Perhaps…” He stopped, sighing to avoid his voice breaking. He gave her a weak smile, “Perhaps we can speak later.”

It took a moment for the words to sink in but then she smiled once more and nodded. A moment later he was alone again.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████]_

…

…

…

…

What have I done?


	8. Obligations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Entry Numbers and WINGDINGS language is SUPPOSED TO BE IN WINGDINGS. Unfortunately, this site does not ALLOW WINGDINGS.  
> So, if you see anything in brackets such as [this]. It means its suppose to be WINGDINGS. This really sucks since it makes some of my writing lose its effect.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████]_

Its… Her SOUL is providing more insight into SOULs than all the monster SOUL I have ever studied.

The studies are having a clear effect on her… but… she can recover once they are done.

…

She’s… just a thing to be studied.

_[SOUL STUDIES 73]_

The fragment has shattered again. The specimen’s stability is at a high enough range for another fragment to be gathered.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████]_

For a short time during our latest session, she seemed to have forgotten what she was. What she lacked.

She tried to interact with her surroundings, as if she had a real body. She was confused, not understanding when her hand phased through objects.

The lapse passed after a few minutes and she realized what she was doing, and upon realizing I observed the incident, she tried to laugh it off and play it as a joke.

…I complied with the cover.

_[SOUL STUDIES 87]_

A clear connection from the data from the barrier and the structure of a human SOUL has been found… how this could be used is to be seen. Further research will be conducted.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████]_

The research is taking a heavy toll… she reacts slowly now. Often forgetting what she was going to say mid-sentence. I often repeat myself several times before she registers what was said.

…

I do not visit the chamber often anymore.

~*~

She stared absently at the machine, thoughts spinning. It was all the held her together… how quickly would she die if the machine stopped…

_[“HUMAN...?”]_

She blinked, the strange sound jarring her. What had that been…?

" _[Hum]_ an? _[Ca]_ n you h _[ea]_ r me?"

A voice… She knew that voice but… the feelings it caused… fear… happiness… sorrow…

“Are you still here?”

The human blinked, her gaze turning from the machine to the skeleton that sat in his desk chair, a clipboard in his right hand and pen in his left as always. What was he writing?

She started to move her mouth but caught herself, remembering that nothing would come from the act. She licked her lips instead, no feeling came from it. Nothing ever gave any feeling. All… empty. She moved her hands next, speaking as best she could, recalling the signs she had studied so hard, all to speak again… It was difficult at times to recall them.

“I’m sorry… what did you say?” She finally signed.

The skull contorted somewhat, giving the appearance of emotion, but it was hard to read him. She had wanted to learn… she glanced at the pen, as if recalling its importance but nothing can to mind. “I said,” He spoke slowly, though she understood him fine now, “You’re staring at the machinery of the tank, you generally avoid looking at it. Why are you staring at it now?”

How long had she been staring? Why had she been? “I… it’s just… interesting. It… does so much. Keeping me alive… allowing you access to my…” She stopped signing, placing a palm over her heart… was that where the soul was?

“Yes, it’s… impressive.” He replied, a heavy tone to the voice.

She noticed him look away, he did that often now. Was it because of her appearance? Did it upset him? She felt panic, she shouldn’t upset him. If he was upset he… he’d leave for longer times again. She didn’t enjoy being alone for so long. Sleep gave so little solace…

She should smile. Smiling showed she was okay. Showed she was fine. Showed she didn’t hate him.

Why didn’t she hate him…? He was tearing her apart… She swallowed, pushing the negative thoughts back.  It’s his job… his job… and… he doesn’t… enjoy… It’s for an important cause… She felt cold, as her mind tried to focus. Cold was all she felt anymore…

The sound of the pen scratching at the paper broke her thoughts. Smile, she reminded herself. Smiling was… assurance, comfort. A smile would calm him.

An image flashed in her mind, a man… smiling at her… telling her to…behave.

She closed her eyes, pushing the image back. No, isn’t not the same. He isn’t…him…

Just smile, smile and tell him she is okay. That she understood…

She opened her eyes, and started to smile but stopped. The room was dark. Empty. He was gone.

Again.

When had he left…?

A beep behind her.

A cold shock again. The feeling coming from within. She wished it would stop…

Her gaze returned to the machine.

She was okay. The words repeated in her mind. She could help still… she could…

She reached up absently, her hand moving to the panel, phasing through it.

How long would she last if it turned off…?

_[SOUL STUDIES 103]_

The frail state of the fragment due to the source has a clear effect on all data we receive. Some results are too corrupt to use while others have staggering amounts of information.

It slows our research. Which in turn will make replacing shattered fragments all the more necessary since the information that is gathered needs to be confirmed with further testing.

So much time is wasted due to this. We have to wait as it as for the SOUL to heal to gather a new fragment, and we can’t even be sure if it is usable…

_[SOUL STUDIES 126]_

There are signs of a… substance in the structure of the SOUL. Due to the frail state, it is difficult to pinpoint it. To get enough data on it would require deconstructing a fragment, a risk if nothing comes from data since it would cause a pause to any other research we are conducting.

An alternative route would be to take piece of the fragment and deconstruct that piece. This has risks too, further fragmenting will be difficult, and if done incorrectly it will shatter the whole fragment.

If successfully done though, that piece could be broken down in a way that allows for in-depth study of the SOUL’s structure while other research continues

Risks must be weighed.

_[SOUL STUDIES 136]_

Another fragment shattered.

The data from it was so corrupt, we learned so little. Another… another will be needed to make any progress…

She… The specimen needs to rest…

Yet…

…

…

…

We need that fragment to continue. We waste enough time… waiting for the SOUL to recover as is already.

~*~

“If you don’t eat you’ll wither away to bones… oh wait.” A deep, rusty voice broke Gaster’s thoughts as its owner sat at his table.

“Humerus as always, Roluth.” The skeleton replied dryly, looking up from his meal to his new dining companion. He didn’t sign, since they understood wingdings perfectly.

The cider colored naga gave Gaster a sharp toothed grin, “Of course, someone has make up for your lack of a funny bone.” The elder serpent replied.

Gaster absently patted his upper arm, “Right where I left it.” This was normal ritual between the two, ever since Gaster had first become Dr. Roluth’s assistant many, many years ago.

Once their standard jabs at each other passed, the reptile leaned forward on the table, the chair he sat in creaked as his tail wrapped around its legs, passing coworkers did their best to not step on the tail as they headed towards their own tables in the dining area, “Jesting aside, you’ve been staring your plate like it insulted you. Something happening with your latest experiments?”

Gaster mind flashed to the human for a moment, then he put on a mocking smirk, “I was simply wondering when you were finally going to retire. Your shedding is starting to get out of hand in your old age.”

The lab coat Roluth wore stretched slightly as he laughed, though his build was very slender, he still showed signs of the muscle mass he had had in his youth. The laughter passed, and the doctor looked at Gaster with a stern look in his green left eye, though it was the clear white of the right that had always unnerved Gaster since his early days under the naga’s instruction.

“Your SOUL has grown dim.”

The words rocked Gaster, he fought to not break eye contact.

Neither spoke, waiting for the other to do so first. The words had been spoken quietly, so no one around had heard the claim, but anyone near could sense the tense air.

Roluth spoke again, a fatherly tone in his words, “I know that you have not been my assistant for a very long time, and are even my superior now, but I cannot avoid bringing up such a thing. A dimming SOUL… Gaster, what are you doing to cause such an unsightly gain of EXP?”

EXP… Gaster had been doing his best not to take notice of the heavy feeling he was starting to feel, yet to find out that he was beginning to be noticeably dim…

“I am well aware of my vitals.” Gaster countered, “Do not think you can trick me into revealing my secrets with your so called concern.”

Another tense moment and then, Roluth leaned back and gave a deep, booming laugh, startling those around them. “Saw through me, did you?” He slapped the table, “Can’t say I don’t try. What’s the use of being the royal scientist’s old mentor if you can’t play the card to get one up on him?” He scratched under his snout, giving an aloof mannerism.

Gaster gave a forced chuckle, thankful he had not forgotten Roluth’s competitive edge in a moment of weakness. Truthfully, if it wasn’t for the fact a human was involved, Gaster may have consulted the old reptile.

The fact remained though, it did involve a human. This was more important than anything in regards to Roluth, who would eagerly cut her apart in both the interest of research and a personal vendetta against humans from his time in the war. Gaster may be having conflicting feelings about his tests, but he knew that he would never let Roluth learn of the human, for that would be the worse result.

“Still, be careful, boy. If you aren’t, you’re LV could go up at any moment. It is not a feeling to relish, and despite our jokes, if you lose what makes you a monster… Well, I won’t help but feel responsible as your mentor.”

Gaster started to reply, when Alphys walked up to the table, her face clearly trying to avoid showing concern.

Roluth noticed despite her efforts. “Seems our little heart to ribcage is over.” He pulled himself from the chair, his tail unwinding, the scales clicking gently as they ran over the tiles of the dining room. He gave a nod to Alphys, a short warning glance to Gaster, and then departed.

Alphys swallowed, “I always feel like he’s going to eat me…”

“Roluth is harmless.” Gaster stated, shifting to look at his assistant. “He enjoys his jests and competitions, but there is no bite to the old snake.”

“If you say so. Still, to think you were his assistant…” She shivered.

“Alphys, considering you were supposed waiting for the results of our latest test, I do not assume you left your station to chat about my connections with our coworkers.”

“R-right! Uh, see I was getting a new sample like I was supposed to and… uh the fragment…” Her tone was hushed as she spoke.

Gaster’s shoulders fell, knowing what she was going to say, “Its shattered again, hasn’t it.”

She nodded.

_[SOUL STUDIES 195]_

We have been trying to find a way to break a piece of the fragment off. Several attempts almost led to the fragment shattering. Once it did.

Today though, we finally succeeded.

With this piece, we can break it down to its foundation and study what the substance previously noticed was, while also using the larger fragment to continue our other studies.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████]_

Sounds of the core hum in the background

I visit her only out of a type of… kindness, I suppose at this point. We speak little, though not for lack of trying. I have no idea what to say to her and she has to put much effort into replying to anything. It would be a laughable scene if not so… sad.

I am unsure why I do not avoid her entirely.

Perhaps I see it as way to bring some light back to myself?

Roluth’s words echo in my mind. The light of my SOUL is dimming. A sign its LV is close to going up.

I… have seen the effects of LV going up before. The monster who did so, a fellow co-worker who pushed their test subject to hard, breaking them. They described the feeling as a numbness at first than they felt nothing.

It is possible to recover from LV, but it takes time and effort.

The co-worker could not handle the increase… their funeral was… a reminder to us that EXP is not always gained simply from killing, but also from acts of cruelty.

I am following a similar path.

…

I feel numb.

_[SOUL STUDIES 234]_

Perseverance.

This is the binding piece of the SOUL.

I use this word since it seems to be the main factor that keep’s the specimen’s SOUL from breaking completely. The tank only provides the needed things for the SOUL. Without this defining trait of the SOUL, not even the tank could keep it alive.

Humans are more powerful than I ever considered.

_[SOUL STUDIES 251]_

There are further signs of something similar to perseverance within the SOUL yet our limit has been reached with the current method, the signs are so faint it is impossible to track this substance.

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████]_

Her form continues to decay. Her eyes losing the luster of life they once held.

We’ve gone through several fragments, each time she tries harder and harder to stay aware; a heavy haze has developed in her eyes, clouding any signs of life within her mind.

It is hard to remember she could once smile, as it grew weaker and weaker over time until it seems she has forgotten how to express emotion. Though despite my best efforts to tell her to rest, she still tries to assist me, forcing herself to appear whenever I visit. I am not sure she even knows why anymore… I don’t even know why…

Her SOUL heals after each fragment is taken, but her mental state seems to degrade in return.

…

The research is… No… I am killing her.

_[SOUL STUDIES 269]_

Yet another fragment has shattered…. They are lasting for shorter periods of time… while time between each new harvest is becoming longer as the specimen’s SOUL takes longer to heal.

…

I… I don’t know if I can harvest another.

~*~

The hum of the Core gave no solace to the doctor during his latest visit.  The floor of the observation desk was littered with the burned out buds of cigarettes, the newest one still burning in his fingers as he stared at nothing, his back to the glass that looked out into the main processing area of the Core.

His mind filled with the image of the human, or what was left of her. She had become a husk of what she had once been. All signs of the bright, laughing girl gone.

He grasped at his face, trying to force the images from his mind. His mind was reeling.

Did she hate him? Was she even capable of feeling anything anymore?

Gaster had only tried to do what he felt was best, to do what would save his race. Yet, in trying to distance himself to no longer be compromised, he had lashed out. He should have foreseen the effects of the fragmenting. At the very least, he should have stopped when he saw them beginning.

Yet the data, the results of the research… he had been so eager to see what could be done. The information that they were gathering was so promising.

He slumped against the glass, causing it to vibrate and the magic mist on the other side reacted in turn, sensing him on the other side. It went unnoticed by Gaster as he gripping his chest where his SOUL resided within. It felt heavy, yet numb. He knew why… he had done his best to ignore it, but no longer could he be ignorant to the growing weight of EXP on his SOUL. It frightened him, knowing that he could lose the defining aspect of a monster, compassion, if he continued his path. How long until his LV finally went up? Did he have a choice though… was one nearly dead human worth more than an entire race?

He slid down the wall and sat on the floor, trying to rationalize it… and failing.

Was everything he learned worth the cost? Her body could survive, even the SOUL, but the defining part of her… her mind… her memories… if those were lost… it was no different than killing her outright. Even if all monsters were saved in the process… could Gaster be proud of what he had done?

It had been so different, when she was just a corpse. An object to be studied. Yet, now that he knew her, no matter how hard he tried; he could not fool himself into forgetting that she was alive, or had been. He could not deny the fondness he had developed for her, after seeing how hard she tried to understand his works or her attempts to get closer to him with bad jokes or…

He sighed, burying his face in his hands, the built up ash of the cigarette finally falling from the force of the motion.

What he was doing at this point was no different than as if he were experimenting on Alphys or any other monster…

His mind screamed, being split between his obligations and his guilt.

“I… don’t know if I can keep doing this…”

[ _HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████]_

Her SOUL has reached high enough stability for another fragment to be taken…

Alphys is eager to continue, wanting to gather it as soon as the vitals showed this. The effect of the research is not as damaging to her as it is to me, since she does not know the truth. Perhaps my choice to keep her in the dark was for the best, EXP is only gathered when an act of cruelty is knowingly done…

Despite her eagerness, I was able to convince her to hold off one more day…

I must see if there is anything left of the human’s mind.

~*~

Gaster stepped into the chamber and called out for the human to appear.

She shifted into view, ragged looking and worn. She didn’t hover anymore, instead she just stood in the middle of the chamber.

“Good evening.”

“Hello, Doctor.” She signed weakly, her eyes haze filled as they always were now, a sign of the loss within.

“How do you feel?” He asked, a sentence he had begun to ask during his visits as of late. His guilt starting to manifest in the words. He wanted to see her reply with a joke or a smile…

Instead…

She seemed to stare through him, her head lolling slightly, a few minutes passed before she reacted to his question. Finally she seemed to hear the question and began to move her hands, her fingers quivering as the signs were depicted, “Tired. Weak.” She blinked slowly, “Tired.”

“You said tired already.”

“Oh… may I sit?”

Gaster’s fist shook at his side, “Yes. You may.”

Her image flickered as she walked, going to his desk. Walking was a good sign, that she was focused enough to remember to do the act instead of simply shifting her position to the chair. The act of wanting sit did not allow him to feel any ease though. She seemed to think it helped to sit, that it would relieve the strain she felt.

His chest felt tight when he saw her try to pull the chair out, her hand shifting through it. She stared at her hand in confusion, fighting to understand why it had not moved as it should. Another repeating act, for her not remember her form was a projecting and not real.

Gaster quickly pulled the chair out for her, so as to cease the heart wrenching scene.

She didn’t give any notice to him, simply sitting. Thankfully she did not phase through.

For a moment, she almost looked normal, alive. Yet the empty gaze, the dark haze the acted as a filter over her eyes, were sign enough of the lack of life within.

“Human…”

Another moment, then she looked up at him. He felt uneasy, being taller than her so he knelt, coming to eye level with her.

“We… Another fragment is needed.”

Minutes passed, she seemed to stare through him, then her gaze dropped and she nodded.

“Are you afraid?”

Another pause, for the first time in a long while, he saw expression in her face. She raised her gaze back to him and they shone with the hint of tears in them. She nodded.

That was it, the last string of Gaster that held any interest in research snapped.

“No… I… no more. No more tests. No more fragments. This stops.”

Perhaps she registered the importance, but she reacted quickly.  She shook her head, a begging expression on her face, “No.” her hands said.

“What?”

“Help… I’m helping…. Saving… them.”

As if waiting until this moment, her slap from so long ago finally struck him, as the words translated in his mind. He shook his head, shaking the pain of it off, “You have, you’ve done so much, but this is done. The tests are going to stop. You… you need to rest. To heal” To come back.

He wanted her to understand he was sorry for what he had done to her. He wanted her to heal. For there to be some way to reverse what he had done. To save whatever was left of her.

He felt a warmth start to fill him. His eyes, despite him trying to remain calm, had begun to glow in an attempt to comfort himself. The colored glow gave way to a soft purple, a sign of the helplessness he felt in the moment. He tried to calm himself, but it only caused the glow to increase, the color becoming more intense.

She shifted, staring at him with what was almost interest. The glow, it seemed to be pulling her from her haze, if only a bit.

Gaster stopped fighting the feeling and let the light show, hoping it could help ease her as it should his own panic.

For a moment he saw something in her eyes, like she was aware of him. Then… her head tilted and she smiled. It was a shadow of the bright smiles she once had but it was the first Gaster had seen for months. He smiled back, though it was a weak smile. It was a sign she was still there, that she was still trying to be strong.

She lifted her right hand and reached to touch his cheek.

For an instant, Gaster anticipated the touch, but it shifted through him as it did with everything.

She stared at her hand in confusion yet again, holding it in front of her. Trying to understand something she had once known so well. The awareness that had been in her eyes now gone.

Gaster reached up with his hands and grasped hers, he held them there though her hand melded through his. His head bowed.

“I’m sorry. I am so, so sorry.”

~*~

“Dr. Gaster, please! We are so close to-“

“We’re stopping! If you keep pressing the issue, Alphys, I will remove you from the project entirely.”

“… I… I … Yes…sir”

~*~

_[HUMAN STUDIES ENTRY ████]_

Alphys was confused on my choice to cease the tests, since we were making a lot of progress. It took much self-restraint to not tell her the truth. Despite everything, I still didn’t trust Alphys with the knowledge of the human’s ghosting.

I do not know which I worry about more, the negative impact it would have on Alphys’s mental state or that Alphys may try something in a bout of guilt. Either telling someone about the human or trying to kill her as an act of kindness. Neither would have a favorable result.

So I told her only that I had other things I needed to focus on and she did as well. The human would still be there and it would only benefit the SOUL for more rest. There is also the fact we were beginning to draw attention to our research, something that at this time should be avoided.

She tried to press the issue, expressing how she felt that a few more tests could yield the results we are looking for. That we are close to a breakthrough. I knew she was right, which only makes me feel worse about how I snapped at her. She was clearly hurt, since we have grown close over the years. I do respect her work and I know she still looks up to me as her mentor.

It will take some time to repair the damage I did, but I will gladly take an injury such as that if it means giving the human a chance to heal.

…If she  _can_ heal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story continues at beforehefell.tumblr.com/chapters  
> New chapter will be added on Ao3 once it is finished on tumblr.
> 
> Have questions or want to see what the main characters look like? Check out the FAQ at http://beforehefell.tumblr.com/faq


	9. Notification to my readers

For those who do not keep up to date with my tumblr, which you really should, I am remastering the story. It will still be the same story as before, but written much better with better character and world development.

I will not be removing the old chapters from ao3 but I will be "ending" this version of it. I will begin posting the new version here under the same name and simply adding "old version" into the title of the old version.

I do hope those who enjoy the story and follow it still will be eager to continue doing so.


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